What Am I?

What Am I? Jun 8, 2021 8:40:47 GMT

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Post by narimoon on Jun 8, 2021 8:40:47 GMT

Hello,

I'm sure you have all heard a very similar story multiple times, so I do apologise. But I just need to get it out. My main question is am I Bi?

Firstly a little bit about myself. I'm a 32 year old mother from the Midlands, UK. I'm in a long, loving relationship with the same man since I was 18. He was my first and has been my only since. I'm in love with him truly and deeply., I call him my husband even though we are not married. I have had moments where I have forgotten this, and end up hurting him (emotionally) when I need to remember. In the last 14 years, we have had 2 close call moments of us being no more. But we came out stronger in the end. He is my forever person.

Despite being in love with a forever person who is a man, I have always had crushes on female celebrities like everyone else. But I have recently discovered that I am attracted to a friend of mine, I'm unsure if it's a "I'm in love with you" or "I love you" attraction, either I want her as a girlfriend or a best friend(l am lacking in best friend department). I'm also discovering that the number of females I see on TikTok or everyday I am attracted to is only increasing. I've never been with a woman, nor do I plan to in the future as I have already found my person.

Another thing that I would like to ask about is actual sexual desire. I'm not that interested in actual sex, and sometimes if feels like a chore. Me and my husband do it about once a week, at least. I don't think I will be too bothered if it was only once a month, but he likes the sex (I enjoy it, it's good sex) and so its once a week and he doesn't push me for it or anything (seriously one in a million this one). But I thoroughly enjoy reading spicy books and smut. And my taste in the 18+ movies found on the interwebs are a mix of bondage and group activities the revolve around the female orgasm (which I tend to watch about once every couple of months).

So please any advice, insight or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

What Am I? Jun 10, 2021 10:00:35 GMT

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Post by ellel on Jun 10, 2021 10:00:35 GMT

Hi there. Thanks for your post. No need to apologize, the forums are for seeking support, no matter how common the story and/or question is! And right off the bat, I can’t tell you if you’re bi or not--that’s something only you can tell yourself.

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your husband, despite having occasional troubles. A ‘forever person’ is not easy to find, so congrats on that!

I don’t know if ‘everyone else’ has crushes on female celebrities, but if you do, that’s totally fine and normal

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As for your attraction to your friend, I think for women who like women, it’s often difficult to distinguish between ‘friend’ and romantic attraction when it comes to other women. This distinction is especially tricky if you ‘are lacking in the best friend department,’ like you said. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what kind of attraction it is.

I think it’s fine to be attracted to women on tiktok. If you’re feeling bad about your possible romantic attraction to your friend and/or to women on tiktok, I wouldn’t. It sounds like you have a really healthy relationship with your husband and a good perspective about not planning to be with a woman in the future.

For sexual desire, it’s quite normal for people to have different degrees of sexual desire and this can also oscillate between stronger and weaker desire. There’s definitely a spectrum of sexual desire and you may not always sit at the same point along that spectrum. Enjoying porn is totally normal, too.

Again, I can’t tell you if you’re bi or not, but I hope that some of this response was helpful.

Here are some more resources if you’d like:

Switchboard switchboard.lgbt/ is an LGBTQ+ helpline where you can get further advice and support.

There’s something called graysexuality, which falls under the asexual spectrum. Generally, it describes someone who falls in between asexual and sexual and can help explain oscillating sexual desire. Here’s some more info on graysexuality: www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community and www.asexuality.org/?q=grayarea

And please feel free to keep us updated on how you’re doing!
Elle

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Post by narimoon on Jun 8, 2021 8:40:47 GMT

Post by ellel on Jun 10, 2021 10:00:35 GMT