Just don't know

Hi there. Thanks for your post. Sorry to hear that it sounds like you’re having some troubles with your sexual orientation.

Having mental health issues can be difficult and I hope that your medication is helping you.

It sounds like you’re experiencing some same sex attraction, but that acting on it isn’t satisfying the urges you have. I’m not sure if you’re currently seeing a therapist, but have you considered talking to one about these urges you’re having and their aftereffects, for example the feeling bad afterwards that you mentioned? They may be able to help you sort out your feelings better than we can here on the forums. PinkTherapy www.pinktherapy.com/ has a directory of LGBTQ+ friendly therapists if that’s something you’re interested in.

Also, are there any men you do feel attracted to? Or have you just been with men to fulfill the urges you’ve been having? These are other questions it may be worth talking to a therapist about.

I can’t tell you how to identify or if you’re bi or not. That’s for you to decide, and unfortunately, it can be difficult to figure out and pinpoint your identity, but you’re not alone. Struggling with your identity and sexual orientation is a normal and common problem.

I’d just say you can be big and muscular and be femme and/or trans, but that’s beside the point. If you don’t want to be femme and/or trans, that’s totally valid and kudos to you for knowing that about yourself.

Again, thanks for your post and I wish you the best in figuring out your identity.

Here’s some further resources if you’d like:

Switchboard switchboard.lgbt/ has an LGBTQ+ helpline where you can seek advice and support.

LGBT Foundation lgbt.foundation/ also has a helpline.