My first gay experience. What went wrong?
Dec 14, 2021 10:47:13 GMT
Post by Piltover on Dec 14, 2021 10:47:13 GMT
Hi mason,
Thanks for posting to the forums, welcome!
Having also been on PEP (Post Exposure Prophylaxis) and also knowing what the standard procedures regarding exposure to HIV are, it surprises me greatly that you were asked to take Truvada after having performed oral sex on someone of unknown status.
Though HIV transmission via oral sex is technically possible, it's extremely unlikely, and especially when the status of the other partner is unknown in the first place.
Here is a quote from HIV.gov
"Oral sex carries little to no risk for getting or transmitting HIV. Theoretically, transmission of HIV is possible if an HIV-positive man ejaculates in his partner’s mouth during oral sex. However, the risk is still very low, and much lower than with anal or vaginal sex. Factors that may increase the risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex are oral ulcers, bleeding gums, genital sores, and the presence of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), which may or may not be visible."
Little to no risk is about right. While there are some excellent GUM clinics out there, in some places the understanding of HIV transmission and its risk is unacceptably low, and there can be (though I'm not accusing anyone without knowing more) a unconscious bias against LGBTQ+ people that any sex we have is dangerous.
THT, the HIV charity has a risk assessment tool and according to their tool you should not have been prescribed PEP www.tht.org.uk/hiv-and-sexual-health/pep-post-exposure-prophylaxis-hiv
More practically, the vast vast majority of people have oral sex without condoms. If everyone having oral sex needed to take PEP then a large amount of gay men would be taking it permanently!
HIV transmission requires specific circumstances to transmit. Even with receptive anal sex (which carries the highest risk) it's more likely that HIV won't be transmitted than it will. The factors including the person living with HIV's viral load, and existing STIs in the receptive partner do play a role, but you weren't "lucky" for there to be no transmission, it was just incredibly unlikely in the first place.
You did nothing wrong, you were just enjoying sex with another consenting adult! If you're going to have anal sex in the future, we recommend taking precautions that are right for you, whether that's condoms, or PrEP (a version of PEP you can take beforehand to prevent transmission of HIV).
I can totally understand why you felt confused, and probably stigmatised by the experience, but please try and reevaluate based on the information above. A blowjob is not a high-risk sexual activity, and anal sex, with condoms or PrEP or a partner whose viral load is undetectable, are also low to zero risk (especially in the last case as a person whose viral load is undetectable cannot pass on the virus).
I hope this has eased your mind, and maybe you can find a way to begin exploring your sexuality again if that's something you want to do. If you have any more questions at all, then please please come back to us and ask!
All the best,
Justin
Thanks for posting to the forums, welcome!
Having also been on PEP (Post Exposure Prophylaxis) and also knowing what the standard procedures regarding exposure to HIV are, it surprises me greatly that you were asked to take Truvada after having performed oral sex on someone of unknown status.
Though HIV transmission via oral sex is technically possible, it's extremely unlikely, and especially when the status of the other partner is unknown in the first place.
Here is a quote from HIV.gov
"Oral sex carries little to no risk for getting or transmitting HIV. Theoretically, transmission of HIV is possible if an HIV-positive man ejaculates in his partner’s mouth during oral sex. However, the risk is still very low, and much lower than with anal or vaginal sex. Factors that may increase the risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex are oral ulcers, bleeding gums, genital sores, and the presence of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), which may or may not be visible."
Little to no risk is about right. While there are some excellent GUM clinics out there, in some places the understanding of HIV transmission and its risk is unacceptably low, and there can be (though I'm not accusing anyone without knowing more) a unconscious bias against LGBTQ+ people that any sex we have is dangerous.
THT, the HIV charity has a risk assessment tool and according to their tool you should not have been prescribed PEP www.tht.org.uk/hiv-and-sexual-health/pep-post-exposure-prophylaxis-hiv
More practically, the vast vast majority of people have oral sex without condoms. If everyone having oral sex needed to take PEP then a large amount of gay men would be taking it permanently!
HIV transmission requires specific circumstances to transmit. Even with receptive anal sex (which carries the highest risk) it's more likely that HIV won't be transmitted than it will. The factors including the person living with HIV's viral load, and existing STIs in the receptive partner do play a role, but you weren't "lucky" for there to be no transmission, it was just incredibly unlikely in the first place.
You did nothing wrong, you were just enjoying sex with another consenting adult! If you're going to have anal sex in the future, we recommend taking precautions that are right for you, whether that's condoms, or PrEP (a version of PEP you can take beforehand to prevent transmission of HIV).
I can totally understand why you felt confused, and probably stigmatised by the experience, but please try and reevaluate based on the information above. A blowjob is not a high-risk sexual activity, and anal sex, with condoms or PrEP or a partner whose viral load is undetectable, are also low to zero risk (especially in the last case as a person whose viral load is undetectable cannot pass on the virus).
I hope this has eased your mind, and maybe you can find a way to begin exploring your sexuality again if that's something you want to do. If you have any more questions at all, then please please come back to us and ask!
All the best,
Justin