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Post by bigdarbs on May 24, 2022 10:56:54 GMT
Hi, I'm new to this and like a lot of people, very confused. Ever since I was around 12, I have found boys and men more sexually appealing than women but have never told anyone or really admitted it to myself. As such I have always hidden/denied the fact and thought that I would keep it hidden until the day I died. I am now a 42 year old man who has been with my wife for 17 years and very happily married for 6 years but we happened to watch Heartstopper on Netflix and it caused such an emotional response in me that I told my wife that I thought that I may be bisexual. She has been amazing! She was accepting of it from the get go, even moreso than me. But I find that I am hating myself because of it. I feel that she is going to get hurt, even though we both want our relationship to continue and nothing to change. I have no intention of leaving or cheating on her (she has been my only sexual partner) but I now don't know what this means for me or my family. I am struggling to accept myself for who I think I might be because I don't want to upset anyone or change anything in my life. I feel it would have been better to never have said anything. Any help or advice would be great thank you.
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Post by Sunflower on May 24, 2022 16:40:34 GMT
Hello there, Thank you for reaching out. Admitting how you feel is a huge first step, so first of all, take a moment to celebrate that! Your feelings are completely valid and it is totally normal to be confused and to be experiencing many emotions that come with this self-discovery. Opening yourself up to these feelings can be a lot to process, especially when they have been suppressed for such a long time. Heartstopper is an incredible show and for many of us, it shows us a childhood that could have been. It is completely understandable that the show evoked some strong emotions. Such a beautiful, youthful romance between the two boys in the TV show can be a tough watch for those of us who were not provided with a safe space to come out or weren't aware that a life like that was possible. Many of us aren't afforded the luxury of a nurturing, open-minded upbringing or environment, so you are not alone in hiding your sexuality for most of your life. Whilst this is something that so many people in the LGBTQ+ community can relate to, it really is never too late to embrace who you are. As I mentioned before, admitting how you feel is a huge step in the right direction, of which you can be immensely proud! It was very brave of you to open up to your wife and it is wonderful to hear that she has been so accepting. I'm sorry to hear that opening up about your sexuality has caused some anxiety and feelings of low self-worth. This is completely natural, after telling someone something so personal about ourselves, we can feel that this has shifted our entire world. It is important to remember that although there is a big internal shift that comes with this self-discovery, your external environment doesn't have to change too if you don't want it to. It might feel as though things are out of your control now you have opened up, but you are in complete control when it comes to who you are and what you want to do. It's okay if you don't have it all figured out right now, you can take your time. Even though this is happening later in life, there is no rush when it comes to learning about who you are. You might wish to explore your sexuality solo, you might wish to stay in this loving relationship and learn together or you might want to just acknowledge your sexuality and continue as it was. All of these options are perfectly valid and there are many more options out there to be explored. It is also understandable that you might be worried about hurting loved ones, just try to be as honest as you can with them about how you are feeling and remember that at the end of the day, you are so loved. If you need someone to talk through these feelings with, don’t hesitate to reach out. Switchboard LGBT has a fantastic support line open from 10am to 10pm on 0300 330 0630. There is also a Web chat if this feels more accessible. LGBT Foundation is also available to talk about whatever you need from Monday-Friday 10am to 6pm on 0345 330 3030 With kindness, Sunflower
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Post by jimp2019 on May 24, 2022 18:08:07 GMT
Thanks for sharing your story man. I knew that programme would change lives. Would love to hear how your story progresses. ♥️
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Post by joeyj81 on May 26, 2022 20:17:05 GMT
I started to watch it but couldn’t anymore as it reminded me of what could have been. I’m nearly the same age,41,and I now regret that I didn’t come out sooner rather than later. Biggest regret of my life.
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