Bi-curious (?) wife, help the helper

Hi spaceme,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forums. That was a really heartfelt message and please don't worry you haven't offended anyone! Asking questions is healthy and this is what we're here for. I'm just glad you decided to get in contact.

It's great to hear that you and your wife have a healthy love life and you clearly care about her a lot. It's so touching to hear you talk about her wellbeing in this post and what you can do to support her. Contrary to what many people think bisexual people experience a lot of stigma from both within and without the LGBTQ+ community, and as a result, many find it difficult to come out and lots experience mental health inequalities. It's a common experience for people to explore their bisexuality a little later in life, though I make no assumptions that your wife is bisexual, only she knows that. Right now you haven't been given an affirmative answer from her, and it's impossible to pull back the curtain, so to speak, without open dialogue. If your wife is bi, it sounds like they're not willing right now to have that conversation with you.

As to your question about helping your wife come to terms with her desires: I think this is jumping a step ahead. It's great that you want to accommodate her, but the assumption here is that you have correctly 'identified' her sexuality, and how she feels about other women. Could there be other explanations for her behaviour? Whatever the actuality of her situation, a sensible (if only suggested) path is to leave thee door open for a friend or family member to come out if they want to. Make sure that they understand that your are non-judgemental, and that you care for them, without pressuring them into giving you an answer. Most people tend to come out when they feel ready.

As for the second question, I'm not exactly sure, though some people do experience happiness and release once they acknowledge their sexuality or gender identity. Once again I can't tell you whether that's what is happening here.

It sounds to me like you're doing great as is: being caring toward your wife and reaching out to us for advice are both great steps forward. It's possible that what's required here is patience.

If you ever want to talk to someone I can recommend Switchboard, the LGBTQ+ helpline as a great place to call somewhere and have a chat. It's staffed by LGBTQ+ volunteers and they can direct you toward further ways to get support, should you need it. You can call them on 0300 330 0630, 10am - 10pm.

I hope that some of the above is helpful and if you want to keep chatting and have more questions then please do keep posting here.

Piltover
xx