Bi in a hetro relationship…

Hi that thatbiguy,

Thanks for your post, this is actually a really common feeling among queer people, and something I think a lot of bi people wrestle with. People can experience this feeling of invalidation if they haven't ever acted on their feelings or experienced a particular kind of sex which "proves" their sexuality and makes it manifest. It's really unfair because in actuality, sexuality is about how we feel, what we desire, and who we are, not what we do. People who haven't come out yet or had sex are just as gay, bi, pan etc as everyone else.

The particular stigma bi people face can be a real issue. There's a really cruel and false narrative out there that if you're bi and in an opposite sex relationship then you're straight and if you're in a same sex relationship you're actually gay. It's a form of bi erasure and like all kinds of stigma it can be internalised be bi people who might feel the need to prove themselves.

One of our great writers actually touches on this in his piece on our website: "we need to talk about bisexual mental health":

Some people often think that bisexual people have it easy. Bisexual is often seen as a combination of gay and straight rather than a sexuality in its own right. Bisexuals are often told that we have “straight passing privilege” and that we can hide in the straight part of our identity, thereby going unnoticed and avoiding the same abuse that gay and lesbian people face.


"Let’s be clear, this is not how bisexuality works. We aren’t a combination of any other identities, but have our own, which is no less queer that of gay men or lesbians. Bisexual people experience the same homophobic abuse that gay or lesbian people face, with all the same slurs thrown at us."
You can read the full article here.

Maybe talking to some other bi people could help. Have you considered joining on the many bi societies and groups out there? Here's a list of just a few: bicommunitynews.co.uk/local-groups/

Remember that your identity is valid and no one can take that away from you and there's a community out there that could help you connect with that part of yourself.

Piltover