Post by robin on Nov 7, 2022 15:51:02 GMT
Hii. My name is Robin. First of all, I am unsure and unstable emotionally because of something: I am a 20 y/o boy and I have pretty strong feelings for my best friend (21 y/o boy), I think you could say I love him. And this isn't something new, I have had feelings for him for atleast a year and I actually started to like him somewhat already 5 years ago. I identify myself as demi omnisexual with a preference for boys and I outed myself a couple of years ago, so he knows I like boys. The problem is that he probably only likes girls and is most certainly straight.
But first of all those feelings of mine don't exist for no reason. He is the sweetest soul I have ever met. He cares about me, he protects me and he is always there for me. I have no other person in my life who threats me like him, even my parents oftentimes. If I want to talk I can always talk to him, he will listen to me and support me no matter what. He is a pretty soft person too, he talks with me about his feelings and thoughts like I do with him and likes to cuddle with me same as me. I oftentimes hug him really long or lay my head on his shoulders or his chest and I absolutely enjoy this feeling. But he often also starts to cuddle or scratch my head. I feel so safe near him, even when he is only in the same room as me. When we went on vacation with a few friends we both slept in the same room and always talked with each other all night long about feelings and life, one night he even wanted me to lay next to him in his bed and we talked and cuddled for a long time, we only wore shorts and nothing else because we were about to go to bed, and the feeling of his warm naked body pressing right against me was just incredible beautiful. I felt so safe and loved. I wrapped my arms as tight as I could around him and enjoyed this sensation. Apart of this tenderness we also do stuff together, go watch a movie or eat together or go to partys and drink. But the most I enjoy about this is the time I spend with him and not the activities.
The problem is that I don't think there is a huge chance that he even likes boys. And this breaks my feelings and my heart and is still really hard for me to accept. There is nothing more in my life I want more than having him (Or someone like him) for me to cuddle and talk at anytime. I feel like I need a relationship with him to get happy and satisfied with my life (I struggle alot with depression and sadness and the only time all those worries go away is when he is near me). Like me he has never had a relationship and never even really tried dating a girl (or a boy). But he told some things to me which indicate he is interested in girls and if he wasn't only interested in girls I'm pretty sure he would have already told me. But on the other side his behavior is kinda gay, what straight guy would want to cuddle with an knowingly "gay" guy like me? He even might already suspect that I have feelings for him, so that seems strange. And he is so soft and just radiates gay energy to me. He is also a huge fan of kpop which of course is a stereotype, but what full straight guy would be a real fanboy of kpop? It also seems a bit strange. When he is drunk he always gets clingy and plans to do a lot of stuff with me. This all just seems like he does like me more too. But on the other hand I am very very certain I would already know it if he isn't straight. So that's why I believe that he is most certainly straight. I can't just ask him about it because he would probably hundredpercently know that I have feelings for him if I'd ask that. And he would stop with his behavior to not be seen as queer. I mean already how I like to cuddle with him and how important he is to me makes it fairly obvious, I also already oftentimes told him how important he is to me and that I am incredibly thankful and how I enjoy cuddling with him, that all makes it pretty obvious I like him. And I believe our friendship would break or at least I'm sure it will never be the same again if he would find out I have real romantic feelings for him when he is straight. That's too risky, especially if I take into consideration that he is probably straight. I would lose my most important person, would lose the ability to talk to him about everything, which would affect my depression in a negative way, and also I wouldn't have anyone to cuddle anymore...
This is just all very confusing and heartbreaking for me. I don't know what to do. I just want him by my side for ever. Do you guys have any advice for me on what I could do?
But first of all those feelings of mine don't exist for no reason. He is the sweetest soul I have ever met. He cares about me, he protects me and he is always there for me. I have no other person in my life who threats me like him, even my parents oftentimes. If I want to talk I can always talk to him, he will listen to me and support me no matter what. He is a pretty soft person too, he talks with me about his feelings and thoughts like I do with him and likes to cuddle with me same as me. I oftentimes hug him really long or lay my head on his shoulders or his chest and I absolutely enjoy this feeling. But he often also starts to cuddle or scratch my head. I feel so safe near him, even when he is only in the same room as me. When we went on vacation with a few friends we both slept in the same room and always talked with each other all night long about feelings and life, one night he even wanted me to lay next to him in his bed and we talked and cuddled for a long time, we only wore shorts and nothing else because we were about to go to bed, and the feeling of his warm naked body pressing right against me was just incredible beautiful. I felt so safe and loved. I wrapped my arms as tight as I could around him and enjoyed this sensation. Apart of this tenderness we also do stuff together, go watch a movie or eat together or go to partys and drink. But the most I enjoy about this is the time I spend with him and not the activities.
The problem is that I don't think there is a huge chance that he even likes boys. And this breaks my feelings and my heart and is still really hard for me to accept. There is nothing more in my life I want more than having him (Or someone like him) for me to cuddle and talk at anytime. I feel like I need a relationship with him to get happy and satisfied with my life (I struggle alot with depression and sadness and the only time all those worries go away is when he is near me). Like me he has never had a relationship and never even really tried dating a girl (or a boy). But he told some things to me which indicate he is interested in girls and if he wasn't only interested in girls I'm pretty sure he would have already told me. But on the other side his behavior is kinda gay, what straight guy would want to cuddle with an knowingly "gay" guy like me? He even might already suspect that I have feelings for him, so that seems strange. And he is so soft and just radiates gay energy to me. He is also a huge fan of kpop which of course is a stereotype, but what full straight guy would be a real fanboy of kpop? It also seems a bit strange. When he is drunk he always gets clingy and plans to do a lot of stuff with me. This all just seems like he does like me more too. But on the other hand I am very very certain I would already know it if he isn't straight. So that's why I believe that he is most certainly straight. I can't just ask him about it because he would probably hundredpercently know that I have feelings for him if I'd ask that. And he would stop with his behavior to not be seen as queer. I mean already how I like to cuddle with him and how important he is to me makes it fairly obvious, I also already oftentimes told him how important he is to me and that I am incredibly thankful and how I enjoy cuddling with him, that all makes it pretty obvious I like him. And I believe our friendship would break or at least I'm sure it will never be the same again if he would find out I have real romantic feelings for him when he is straight. That's too risky, especially if I take into consideration that he is probably straight. I would lose my most important person, would lose the ability to talk to him about everything, which would affect my depression in a negative way, and also I wouldn't have anyone to cuddle anymore...
This is just all very confusing and heartbreaking for me. I don't know what to do. I just want him by my side for ever. Do you guys have any advice for me on what I could do?
