My feelings for my mate is making me physically sick
Jan 3, 2023 19:53:15 GMT
Post by fwuffybobble on Jan 3, 2023 19:53:15 GMT
Hey I'm Lydia, and I've been questioning my sexuality for about 6 months now. I'm really struggling with my mental health and have lost a lot of weight, which is concerning me.
I think what planted the possibility in my head was how I felt about one of my housemates and best friends, because there was a very high potential that she was leaving our uni last May, and even though I only knew her for about 9 months, I felt so strongly devastated, and I think I became slightly depressed. I don't know the full cause to the range of emotions I felt in that season, but the one thing I knew was how much I didn't want her to go.
I also noticed a slight correlation between when she was talking about her boyfriend, and how suddenly nauseous I would feel. I just was so confused about everything and it all was hitting at once and I didn't know how to figure anything out, plus I am not great at expressing emotion and I felt really scared to share anything because my brain was in such a massive muddle, and I didn't want to complicate something in my friendship and make anything awkward.
She ended up staying, and ended up with a different boyfriend which she is so much more happy in a relationship with, which makes me happy. But it makes it a lot harder for me, because we still live together and she always has her boyfriend over and talks about him, and I think it has been the thing that's made me physically thrown up. It hurts and is effecting me and she knows I'm really struggling with my mental health at the moment and she knows I'm questioning my sexuality, but I feel if she finds out why, it would hurt our friendship. I just feel like I'm secretly and quietly hurting, and I've accepted the fact we can only have a platonic relationship and that is something I very much would like to maintain. I can logically and rationally have all the reasons why I should get over myself and my feelings, but there's just something that is making me physically not accept it and it's frustrating in many different ways. It makes me feel like a crappy friend and it makes me feel bad about my weight and how I just want to get healthy again, and I hate myself for everything I'm feeling and everything my body is putting me through. There just feels like a massive internal conflict and I can't give myself space or distance to fight it so I feel trapped in my own house a lot of the time. I've thought about moving out, but I can't do that until next year and I don't really know how to vocalise that to my housemates without being honest about the reason why, nor do I want it to get to that point where I have to distance myself that far from my best friend. Because regardless, I value my friendship with her so much and don't know what I'd do without it.
Please help. I really badly need advice.
I think what planted the possibility in my head was how I felt about one of my housemates and best friends, because there was a very high potential that she was leaving our uni last May, and even though I only knew her for about 9 months, I felt so strongly devastated, and I think I became slightly depressed. I don't know the full cause to the range of emotions I felt in that season, but the one thing I knew was how much I didn't want her to go.
I also noticed a slight correlation between when she was talking about her boyfriend, and how suddenly nauseous I would feel. I just was so confused about everything and it all was hitting at once and I didn't know how to figure anything out, plus I am not great at expressing emotion and I felt really scared to share anything because my brain was in such a massive muddle, and I didn't want to complicate something in my friendship and make anything awkward.
She ended up staying, and ended up with a different boyfriend which she is so much more happy in a relationship with, which makes me happy. But it makes it a lot harder for me, because we still live together and she always has her boyfriend over and talks about him, and I think it has been the thing that's made me physically thrown up. It hurts and is effecting me and she knows I'm really struggling with my mental health at the moment and she knows I'm questioning my sexuality, but I feel if she finds out why, it would hurt our friendship. I just feel like I'm secretly and quietly hurting, and I've accepted the fact we can only have a platonic relationship and that is something I very much would like to maintain. I can logically and rationally have all the reasons why I should get over myself and my feelings, but there's just something that is making me physically not accept it and it's frustrating in many different ways. It makes me feel like a crappy friend and it makes me feel bad about my weight and how I just want to get healthy again, and I hate myself for everything I'm feeling and everything my body is putting me through. There just feels like a massive internal conflict and I can't give myself space or distance to fight it so I feel trapped in my own house a lot of the time. I've thought about moving out, but I can't do that until next year and I don't really know how to vocalise that to my housemates without being honest about the reason why, nor do I want it to get to that point where I have to distance myself that far from my best friend. Because regardless, I value my friendship with her so much and don't know what I'd do without it.
Please help. I really badly need advice.
