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Post by ababy on Jan 17, 2024 12:14:59 GMT
Hi everyone. I'm new here. I am asexual as well as in love with another woman. I have known her for abput 9 years and we have a very special story between us - our daughters are half siaters because we were offered the same sperm donor to make our beautiful girls. I have been in love with her for all these years. She is straight, but I feel the need to be able to tell her how much I love her. It hurts me inside. I don't know why I want her to know, maybe because I want to test to see if she would hate me and want nothing to do with me if I told her, or maybe I feel like I don't deserve her and I want her to confirm it...but in the end I really would love to hear that she loves me too, even if she's not 'in love' as such. Should I ever tell her or should I keep it to myself forever?
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Post by Saathi on Jan 18, 2024 10:38:44 GMT
Hi and thanks for your post and welcome to LGBT HERO Forums. Everyone's journey around coming out is very individual and coming out to different people can also be complex because of the fear of rejection or lack of acceptance. From what you have written you both already have a strong connection to each other and share a special history. I am sorry you are hurting and being in love with a close friend can be tough. Perhaps talking about your asexuality with your friend and what this means to you might be a starting point. Also, love may mean different things to people as it is linked with emotion, our childhood experiences and general social experiences and self-acceptance, to name but a few. Maybe talking this through with a counsellor or therapist or support telephone line may help you unpack some of how you are feeling. Sometimes we are seeking validation from others when we need to work on how we validate ourselves. I certainly was afraid of being rejected when I was first coming out and I also felt I was in love with friend (a woman) when in fact I was mostly attracted to men. There was a period in my life that I needed to be in love and slowly realised love takes time, and I felt better for trying to work on my own self-care. I guess what I am saying is take your time, practice the self-care that works for you and perhaps talk to someone who will listen to you in privacy and confidentiality. One thing I tend to do which works for me, is write down how I feel and sometimes I write down open and closed questions to ask myself, and sometimes I write down what I like about myself. I think when we live in secrecy and silence it can affect our mental health and well-being. It's healthy you have started this conversation on a forum. I hope the links below help you. Stay in touch to let us know how you get on. www.lgbthero.org.uk/why-do-we-come-out-national-coming-out-day-2022www.lgbthero.org.uk/find-supportwww.lgbthero.org.uk/what-is-asexualitywww.lgbthero.org.uk/pages/category/self-care |
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