Unclear if I’m Bisexual

Hi there and welcome to LGBT HERO forums. Sounds like you are curious and trying to define your sexuality, which can be a confusing time.

Talking about this in privacy and confidentiality and unpacking how you are feeling can help. This may be attending a social support space, talking it through with a counsellor or a best friend you can trust. Or perhaps through a helpline. www.lgbthero.org.uk/find-support
www.lgbthero.org.uk/Pages/Events/

Firstly, you and your wife are in an open relationship and how you have defined this may need to be revisited?. For many Open relationships can generally be healthy and the key is, as in any other relationship, to keep up communication open and making this as clear as possible. I myself am in a non-monagamous relationship and often we communicate what this means and have regular check in's. This helps us. Maybe revisiting boundaries of your relationship with your wife may be worth considering for greater freedom and trust?

Sometimes we don't have to define our sexuality and we are just attracted to many forms of femininities and masculinities. www.lgbthero.org.uk/what-is-sexuality 

I guess being Bisexual is being attracted to more than one gender. When you say you deep down you know feel you are with a guy, remember the person that you are with might self identify as a Trans-woman or woman. I guess it really depends what you attracted to in this person and whether you experience these same feelings with other similar or non-similar people. Asking open questions to yourself might be a start and there is never no rush to define who we are but for some people it can settle that uncertainty and give self-validation. Looks like you are on a journey of discovery which is very common as sexuality can also be a spectrum of desire. Is this something you can talk through with your wife with?


Most people have sexual desires in some way or another. This means we find other people attractive and think about them in a sexual way. Some people want to have sex with other people, whereas others are happy to just think about it. Sexuality is about how you think and feel about sex.

www.lgbthero.org.uk/fs164-open-relationships-do-rules-really-matter


Hope the above helps - stay in touch and let us know how you get on.


Best wishes

Hi there. From what you have written you are sexually attracted to this person and that sounds healthy. You like them too which is also healthy. Clearly, you are saying you are not gay as you don't fancy men and that is also okay. 'Straight' men can be attracted to the feminine qualities of a person who may be a guy most of the time and that too is okay.

When you say it's a don't ask don't tell scenario - do you mean that is how your open relationship is? I know this is a tough one but trying to improve this level of communication on how you both getting on in the open relationship may give greater transparency and potential freedom? Just small steps to talk about where you both are?

It sounds like it may be helpful to perhaps to unpack and talk through your feelings with someone. Whatever you share when ringing a support telephone line will be private and confidential (you don't have to give your real name over the phone). Is this something you think you may consider in the future?

Often we all have experiences, in terms of sexual attraction or encounters that may make us question our sexuality. Being Bisexual means attracted to more than one gender and this doesn't need to include the same sex, but it can, it's often a spectrum of desire. Some people define themselves as pansexual i.e. is used to describe someone who is sexually attracted to people regardless of gender. www.stonewall.org.uk/about-us/news/short-history-word-bisexuality


Finally, it may be a confusing time but just remember you are discovering a little more about yourself and eventually you will accept what ever definition or label you feel you need to give yourself.


Let me know how the above sounds to you.

Hi again,

you can choose from this link here www.lgbthero.org.uk/find-support

Switchboard might be a good start - helpful people - 0300 330 0630, 10am-10pm - LGBTQ+ helpline run by volunteers. Here to help you with whatever you want to talk about. Nothing is off limits.


Remember you are perhaps questioning your sexuality or simply want to talk through stuff - Let me know how you get on.

Very best wishes to you