I don't know if I'm bi or just "comphet" with daddy issues
Jan 25, 2024 15:45:50 GMT
Post by miax on Jan 25, 2024 15:45:50 GMT
I've recently started to contemplate my sexuality more and more. My therapist has encouraged me to document the thoughts I have and I guess this has somewhat created a pattern for me.
I've only ever been in one relationship my whole life and that was with a woman. Prior to her, I had "relationships" with guys (the quotation marks are necessary because I wouldn't really consider them steady relationships). They were probably more like flings, of various duration. My relationship with this woman lasted for 3 years. She is the only one I have ever been in love with and I still am, though we're not together anymore.. but that's a different story.
Since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend I have exclusively gone on dates with men and I even had a summer fling with one, which lasted a couple of months. For some reason, as usual, men eventually always give me the ick. There is always something that starts bugging me, and usually the guys I'm drawn to are what some would call "fuckboys". Often with a slight bad boy persona, and mostly interested in someone to have casual sex with. I have never been the type to want casual sex, but I have gone through with it because I thought it would make feel better or make them like me more, most recently this past summer. I feel I'm seeking validation, and afterwards I always end up feeling disgusted by myself and the men, too.
When people ask me, I always tell them I'm bisexual. It's almost like it's an auto-piloted response. I had tons of male celebrity crushes growing up, still have some today and still like to point it out sometimes. But I'm not sure I could ever see myself being in a long-term steady relationship with a man. There is literally always something that starts bothering me, however big or small of an issue it may be, it's enough for me to want to step back. It can be something they say, something they do or how they behave towards others. But then again, I guess the type of men I'm drawn to aren't the nicest in general.
I have lots of male friends who I'm close to and we get along great. Many of them are very good looking. But I have never felt any type of sexual or romantic attraction to them. At the moment, my therapist and I are focusing alot on my childhood and the one thing I can say about that is that my family was very dysfunctional growing up. My parents divorced, and my father moved to a different country and got remarried. We have rekindled contact in recent years, but I can't say that we're very close.
I know there are probably so many others that have experienced this or something similar. But how did you overcome it? How did you finally realize what is truly you?
I've only ever been in one relationship my whole life and that was with a woman. Prior to her, I had "relationships" with guys (the quotation marks are necessary because I wouldn't really consider them steady relationships). They were probably more like flings, of various duration. My relationship with this woman lasted for 3 years. She is the only one I have ever been in love with and I still am, though we're not together anymore.. but that's a different story.
Since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend I have exclusively gone on dates with men and I even had a summer fling with one, which lasted a couple of months. For some reason, as usual, men eventually always give me the ick. There is always something that starts bugging me, and usually the guys I'm drawn to are what some would call "fuckboys". Often with a slight bad boy persona, and mostly interested in someone to have casual sex with. I have never been the type to want casual sex, but I have gone through with it because I thought it would make feel better or make them like me more, most recently this past summer. I feel I'm seeking validation, and afterwards I always end up feeling disgusted by myself and the men, too.
When people ask me, I always tell them I'm bisexual. It's almost like it's an auto-piloted response. I had tons of male celebrity crushes growing up, still have some today and still like to point it out sometimes. But I'm not sure I could ever see myself being in a long-term steady relationship with a man. There is literally always something that starts bothering me, however big or small of an issue it may be, it's enough for me to want to step back. It can be something they say, something they do or how they behave towards others. But then again, I guess the type of men I'm drawn to aren't the nicest in general.
I have lots of male friends who I'm close to and we get along great. Many of them are very good looking. But I have never felt any type of sexual or romantic attraction to them. At the moment, my therapist and I are focusing alot on my childhood and the one thing I can say about that is that my family was very dysfunctional growing up. My parents divorced, and my father moved to a different country and got remarried. We have rekindled contact in recent years, but I can't say that we're very close.
I know there are probably so many others that have experienced this or something similar. But how did you overcome it? How did you finally realize what is truly you?
