Is my mom homophobic?
Feb 18, 2024 23:02:45 GMT
Post by strawberries on Feb 18, 2024 23:02:45 GMT
Hi,
I‘m 29 years old and knew I was lesbian or bi (now I know I‘m technically bi, but like 95% attracted to women) from a very young age, like about 13. I‘ve tried to live a „straight life“ for a very long time, even had boyfriends that I wasn‘t attracted to at all (I‘m not attracted to like over 99% of guys) and basically forced myself to kiss them, be intimate with them, etc. My girlfriends I always kept a secret from my family. Because I always felt that my family wouldn‘t receive it well, if I told them that I‘m attracted to women. My mom is politically left, she is for gay marriage, because she says it doesn‘t concern her and generally pretty liberal. But she‘s said in the past that gay couples shouldn’t adopt children for example and she always said (like soo often even though she suspected I was a lesbian very early on because as a teenager I couldn‘t hide my crushes on women very well, but I never dared to tell her because of said comments) things like „I find it disgusting when two women kiss“, „I could never be with or kiss a woman, that is so gross“, „Just imagining being intimate with a woman, I could vomit“ and just in general comments about how repulsive lesbianism is to her, when she thinks about the intimate stuff like kissing,etc. She is not against it, she would have voted for gay marriage if in my country we had a vote (we didn’t, it was just legalized), but she finds it gross to think about.
The first time I‘ve kind of outed myself was in my mid twenties when she made a comment like: „I could never imagine being with a woman“ and I said „I kind of could imagine that for myself“, then I finally told her when I was 28, that I was attracted to both men and women, even though I‘m pretty much exclusively (with extremely few exceptions) attracted to women. But only when she brought the topic up, again in a way like „I could never imagine being with a woman“. She was cool with it, made no big deal about it, but again said that she could never imagine that for herself.
For a long time I thought she was making these kind of comments, to finally get me to out myself, because deep in her heart she knew/strongly suspected it since I was a teenager. But since I‘ve outed myself, she still makes these comments when the topic comes up. I‘m single atm and she has never met past girlfriends, so idk if she would make comments like that in the presence of a girlfriend, but I really don‘t think so, I think she would be very nice to a girlfriend of mine. And she always just speaks for herself, that she just can‘t imagine it because SHE finds it repulsive, gross etc. Of course, she is straight. But these comments hurt me deeply. It feels,like she‘s grossed out by me in a sense. Is my mom kind of homophobic or is it okay/normal for a straight woman to just feel like that and openly say it in front of her same sex attracted daughter?
I‘m 29 years old and knew I was lesbian or bi (now I know I‘m technically bi, but like 95% attracted to women) from a very young age, like about 13. I‘ve tried to live a „straight life“ for a very long time, even had boyfriends that I wasn‘t attracted to at all (I‘m not attracted to like over 99% of guys) and basically forced myself to kiss them, be intimate with them, etc. My girlfriends I always kept a secret from my family. Because I always felt that my family wouldn‘t receive it well, if I told them that I‘m attracted to women. My mom is politically left, she is for gay marriage, because she says it doesn‘t concern her and generally pretty liberal. But she‘s said in the past that gay couples shouldn’t adopt children for example and she always said (like soo often even though she suspected I was a lesbian very early on because as a teenager I couldn‘t hide my crushes on women very well, but I never dared to tell her because of said comments) things like „I find it disgusting when two women kiss“, „I could never be with or kiss a woman, that is so gross“, „Just imagining being intimate with a woman, I could vomit“ and just in general comments about how repulsive lesbianism is to her, when she thinks about the intimate stuff like kissing,etc. She is not against it, she would have voted for gay marriage if in my country we had a vote (we didn’t, it was just legalized), but she finds it gross to think about.
The first time I‘ve kind of outed myself was in my mid twenties when she made a comment like: „I could never imagine being with a woman“ and I said „I kind of could imagine that for myself“, then I finally told her when I was 28, that I was attracted to both men and women, even though I‘m pretty much exclusively (with extremely few exceptions) attracted to women. But only when she brought the topic up, again in a way like „I could never imagine being with a woman“. She was cool with it, made no big deal about it, but again said that she could never imagine that for herself.
For a long time I thought she was making these kind of comments, to finally get me to out myself, because deep in her heart she knew/strongly suspected it since I was a teenager. But since I‘ve outed myself, she still makes these comments when the topic comes up. I‘m single atm and she has never met past girlfriends, so idk if she would make comments like that in the presence of a girlfriend, but I really don‘t think so, I think she would be very nice to a girlfriend of mine. And she always just speaks for herself, that she just can‘t imagine it because SHE finds it repulsive, gross etc. Of course, she is straight. But these comments hurt me deeply. It feels,like she‘s grossed out by me in a sense. Is my mom kind of homophobic or is it okay/normal for a straight woman to just feel like that and openly say it in front of her same sex attracted daughter?
