|
|
Post by greysfan123 on May 28, 2024 6:32:51 GMT
Hey, hope you’re good!
I feel really trapped atm. On the outside, I would be a fool to leave the life I appear to have. However, the reality is not good at all. I’m female, in a relationship with boyfriend but we’re not in a good place. Deep down I long to be with a woman but feel trapped by boyfriend’s mental health. He only really sees me, no other friends and has many issues re childhood abandonment. I do feel bad about this, but I have to be his friend, girlfriend, sort of counsellor I guess and do the housework which is getting tiring!
I feel miserable living this lie. I can’t explain it, I feel like I’m losing out on time just not acting on this new life. I had a recent health scare and it was like it was a sign to change/slow down rushing about trying to do all the house things etc. There is pressure at the moment about having a child but I have brushed this off with work and it’s not what I want.
We have an upcoming holiday and so I don’t want to raise this before then. I’m looking at other accommodation in the meantime as this is his house not mine. The plan was to have a contract sorted then break up gently. I don’t know how to come out you know? I tried to tell a close friend at work but I got scared. I’m aiming to tell her this week.
Thanks for reading. I guess I just wanted to feel less alone
|
|
|
|
Post by Saathi on May 28, 2024 12:41:07 GMT
Hey thanks for your post. Just to say you are not alone and sharing a post like yours will help others connect. Thank you. Sorry you are feeling trapped and that your relationship is not in a good place. Sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment and may need some free time to yourself. Can I ask are you getting or seeking any emotional support for your situation? There are some links below that may help. I'm thinking about considering chatting to your GP, a counsellor or a helpline, when you are ready to do so. Sorry to read about your recent health scare and I guess being mindful of where you are - if you like, checking in on your happiness tank and what makes you happier may help. There are also various techniques that can reduce anxiety and stress. www.lgbthero.org.uk/anxietywww.lgbthero.org.uk/pages/category/self-careI can empathise around health scares and I hope you are okay now. When I was younger and first accepting my sexuality, I used to be concerned what others may think of me and I was scared of rejection and needed validation. Talking to a counsellor helped me. Writing down my thoughts and thinking through them also helped and still do. And finally I started to join various social support groups that were safe, and this helped me accept my visibility. www.lgbthero.org.uk/Pages/Category/hangoutsThere are also lots of LGBTQ+ groups on Meet Up app and Eventbrite app; and websites. Coming out is an individual choice and journey. Perhaps speaking to a counsellor or wellbeing worker is going to be safer first. Working on your self-esteem and confidence will develop, so you can the leas the authentic life you deserve. Small steps to reach this point often help. You may be experiencing lots of pressure to conform, so if things are getting overwhelming do remember you are not alone and there IS support out there. You can also call Samaritans on 116 123 to speak to someone, 24/7, 365 days a year. People come out at all ages and in different ways. We can be out to a few people in our lives, everybody in our lives or somewhere in-between. Throughout our lives who we are out to may change depending on our circumstances. Sometimes it may not be about Coming OUT but inviting people IN. www.lgbthero.org.uk/coming-outwww.lgbthero.org.uk/find-supportBest wishes and please stay in touch |
|
|
|
Post by greysfan123 on Jun 2, 2024 20:55:59 GMT
Hey Saathi, Thanks so much for your kind reply!  Long story short, I feel like I can’t talk to my GP anymore and it’s a real shame as we used to be close. I do talk to some others but it’s hard bringing this up. I’ve heard back from some flat share options and will keep pushing for this. The issue at the moment is an upcoming holiday, but in my head I want to be free after that you know? I feel really scared branching out as it were but I’m so tired of living like this. It’s not even about finding a partner at this stage, but rather having the freedom just to be I guess rather than feeling restricted. It’s a bit like when you panic you’re on the wrong train (bad example I know!) and then the feeling of not being able to get off just keeps consumes you. I guess at that point you could just accept it, or you could make a change where you’d feel more relaxed etc. I don’t know about anyone else, but living the hetero life it’s like this great feeling of loss of identity and I start to feel envious of the more open folk. I just need to get there somehow. Thanks for reading |
|
|
|
Post by Saathi on Jun 4, 2024 10:22:22 GMT
Hey there. Thanks for your reply. Is it time to find another GP or perhaps your surgery has other GP's you could talk to? Just remember whatever you talk about to a GP it is in strictest confidence (unless there is immediate risk to your life) and what you talk about should be non-judgmental. Perhaps exploring what you find difficult might be helpful with a counsellor or a helpline. I used to be terrified of telling my GP about myself and remember how scared I was for fear others will find out. The fear would cause my lots of anxiety. Remind yourself you have a goal to live your authentic life which gives your direction to head towards and there is always support out there. Are you able to find space to perhaps attend an online group (your camera could be off if that helps) and listening can be enough to reduce feelings of isolation? Just remember to take small steps to get to where you need to. You are welcomed to look at LGBT HERO HangOuts >> www.lgbthero.org.uk/Pages/Category/hangoutsBest wishes and stay in touch - wishing you a healthy week |
|
