Post by notimporant on May 30, 2024 3:39:05 GMT
My story
TLDR: dated 3-4 months. Started off strong. Said I love you in 2 months. I’m sober in therapy. She drinks and has never been. We both have trauma. We got toxic. She broke up w me and hasn’t spoken to me in a week.
Backstory :
So I’ve been sober over a year. I dont mind occasional responsible drinking and I made that very clear from the jump. She claimed she didn’t drink that much. Turns out she drinks at least a few beers regularly, and would go to the bar with her friends 1-2 times a week and get SHIDDYY and either her or them would drive home. sometimes start fights with me. I would often wake up in the morning after a sleepless nights not knowing if she got home safe. And that panic was so alarming.
I also want to mention she dropped a couple bombs on me out of nowhere on 2 separate occasion. Stuff I prolly should have known sooner. BIG life changing shit that out of nowhere at the worst times. I can’t get into it. I feel like I LIVED in fight or flight mode.
We agreed that she would drink more responsibly, she had quit smoking cigs and agreed to get therapy.
Long story short. We both made mistakes. We got in a fight one day and she stormed off drunk, disappeared for 2 days I found out she was getting blackout drunk at her house with her friends by her roommate.
And I finally said that she either get sober with me and get therapy with me or we’re done. She agreed. But it was taking us some time to find a therapist and get our financials and schedule in order for it. In that time, our fighting increased. My patience was GONE. We became… flat out toxic. Pretty sure she’s fearful avoidant and I’m definitely anxiously attached.
Truth is I definitely was a blankhole when I was mad too and had my share of things I need to work on. She also can be a sarcastic sitch when she’s mad. I feel like we BOTH fucked up, but she really never truly took any accountability for the things she put me through. She’s a terrible communicator tbh. She’d say sorry, point out my flaws, and then do it again. And wonder why I didn’t trust her when she went out with her friends.
She started pulling away, was begging her to get to therapy with me and she finally pulled the chord and broke things off. She told me she had been stupid to stay in an abusive relationship (physically abusive) before and she wasn’t gonna stick around for this to get worse. I begged for the rest of that day then finally said ok. Blocked her for 3 for space. Sent her the best heart felt apology letter I could taking accountability for all my mistakes without blaming her. I eluded to the drinking stressing me out, and my wanting therapy so we could repair and learn to trust and communicate. I’ve never hit a girlfriend in my life. I might say some shit that hurts ur feelings when im constantly pushed or backed into a corner. But I’m not… abusive. I got some trust issues and my own trauma. But all I wanted was to be able to trust that she was being safe so I could sleep at night. And one thing led to another next thing I know we were just fighting allll the fckn time.
She has yet to respond. That was a week ago.
Is it over? AITA? Her birthday is in 3 weeks, and in my own therapy I really realized how MY actions hurt HER. And I really want to try to reach out one more time where I really truly just call out my own faults. With my own anger. If anything for myself, for closure. In hopes that maybe some day she can forgive me and maybe we can be friends later? Worst case scenario I semi clear my conscious so I can better focus on me and moving on.
TLDR: dated 3-4 months. Started off strong. Said I love you in 2 months. I’m sober in therapy. She drinks and has never been. We both have trauma. We got toxic. She broke up w me and hasn’t spoken to me in a week.
Backstory :
So I’ve been sober over a year. I dont mind occasional responsible drinking and I made that very clear from the jump. She claimed she didn’t drink that much. Turns out she drinks at least a few beers regularly, and would go to the bar with her friends 1-2 times a week and get SHIDDYY and either her or them would drive home. sometimes start fights with me. I would often wake up in the morning after a sleepless nights not knowing if she got home safe. And that panic was so alarming.
I also want to mention she dropped a couple bombs on me out of nowhere on 2 separate occasion. Stuff I prolly should have known sooner. BIG life changing shit that out of nowhere at the worst times. I can’t get into it. I feel like I LIVED in fight or flight mode.
We agreed that she would drink more responsibly, she had quit smoking cigs and agreed to get therapy.
Long story short. We both made mistakes. We got in a fight one day and she stormed off drunk, disappeared for 2 days I found out she was getting blackout drunk at her house with her friends by her roommate.
And I finally said that she either get sober with me and get therapy with me or we’re done. She agreed. But it was taking us some time to find a therapist and get our financials and schedule in order for it. In that time, our fighting increased. My patience was GONE. We became… flat out toxic. Pretty sure she’s fearful avoidant and I’m definitely anxiously attached.
Truth is I definitely was a blankhole when I was mad too and had my share of things I need to work on. She also can be a sarcastic sitch when she’s mad. I feel like we BOTH fucked up, but she really never truly took any accountability for the things she put me through. She’s a terrible communicator tbh. She’d say sorry, point out my flaws, and then do it again. And wonder why I didn’t trust her when she went out with her friends.
She started pulling away, was begging her to get to therapy with me and she finally pulled the chord and broke things off. She told me she had been stupid to stay in an abusive relationship (physically abusive) before and she wasn’t gonna stick around for this to get worse. I begged for the rest of that day then finally said ok. Blocked her for 3 for space. Sent her the best heart felt apology letter I could taking accountability for all my mistakes without blaming her. I eluded to the drinking stressing me out, and my wanting therapy so we could repair and learn to trust and communicate. I’ve never hit a girlfriend in my life. I might say some shit that hurts ur feelings when im constantly pushed or backed into a corner. But I’m not… abusive. I got some trust issues and my own trauma. But all I wanted was to be able to trust that she was being safe so I could sleep at night. And one thing led to another next thing I know we were just fighting allll the fckn time.
She has yet to respond. That was a week ago.
Is it over? AITA? Her birthday is in 3 weeks, and in my own therapy I really realized how MY actions hurt HER. And I really want to try to reach out one more time where I really truly just call out my own faults. With my own anger. If anything for myself, for closure. In hopes that maybe some day she can forgive me and maybe we can be friends later? Worst case scenario I semi clear my conscious so I can better focus on me and moving on.
