Son might be gay?

Hi there and thanks for your post. It must be difficult when a child is not ready to communicate how they are feeling with their parents. It sounds healthy they are seeing a therapist so they can have an opportunity to unpack and process what they are experiencing, in a safe space, without any pressure or judgment. Sounds like you are trying your best. Respecting space and developing healthy boundaries for each other and by listening to what your child needs is healthy.


When I was around 7 years old I knew I had same sex attraction but I felt a lot of shame and certainly was terrified of my parents finding out, even though they were loving and supportive. I guess I was worried what my father would say more. It took me a long time to accept my sexuality, even when logically, I know it was perfectly normal. I also thought being gay meant I was unable to become a sportsperson and at the time a teacher or policeman. At that young age my mind was in a habit of overthinking and catastrophizing. This mind trap was difficult, partly because there were no positive role models around at the time.

It's reassuring to hear you are a big supporter of LGBTQIA+ community. In what ways you show your support outwardly is often reassuring for others - i.e. how best to be an ally. www.lgbthero.org.uk/how-to-be-an-ally

Your son may be coming to terms with their sexuality or gender, gender expression etc but also it may be a whole host of other reasons they do not feel comfortable talking about with you, yet. Often it is a feeling of whether it is safe to trust someone and fear of rejection. Sometimes bullying at school or online can cause us to feel isolated. Often for boys it can feel like a weakness to talk about that they are not coping. 

"Your son will probably have spent a long time, possibly years taking on board the fact that they may be different. They will probably have absorbed some of the discrimination, prejudice and negative stereotypes that unfortunately are still around. They will have become familiar with ‘teasing’ and homophobic bullying and the way that ‘gay’ can be used as a term of abuse. The teasing and bullying might not have been aimed at them, but they will have taken on board some of the negativity that even today is associated with being anything other than heterosexual. So no wonder it’s ‘really scary’ to tell your parents you’re lesbian, gay or bisexual!" - fflag website

Try looking through these links >> www.theproudtrust.org/young-people/

www.fflag.org.uk/

Also, feel free to telephone Gay Switchboard to talk through your feelings too switchboard.lgbt/

Best wishes and do stay in touch