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Post by turtleboy on Jun 4, 2024 15:42:36 GMT
Hi all, I have a 10 year old son who has had a difficult time lately with being very emotional and has really been struggling emotionally. He sees a therapist and they told us that they suspect my son is bothered by something he doesn't feel confident enough to discuss with us, they gave no clues as to what. So I was speaking with my son and I asked him about if he's been feeling anxious or worried about school or if there is a bully perhaps picking on him etc, typical childhood worries. Then I asked if maybe he has a crush on someone and was struggling with those feelings, he went quiet so I asked him if she is in his class, he didn't respond. Then it hit me, my son has never had a crush on a girl before, in fact when he was much younger he used to have imaginary weddings and he was always marrying a husband. I asked my son gently "do you have a crush on a boy? Its okay if you do" and he burst into tears. I reassured him that if he was gay its fine, that our family will always love and support him. He told me no, he's not gay, and then left the room. I am going to take him at his word that he is not gay but at the same time I wasn't expecting such a response from the question, he was sobbing ![:(](//storage.forums.net/forum/images/smiley/sad.png) Is there anything I can do to support him? I feel a bit at a loss, while I am a big LGBTIQ+ supporter, I have never been in this situation and don't know anyone gay to ask advice from. I just don't want to make any mistakes that negatively affect him! All your advice is very very welcome!
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Post by Saathi on Jun 5, 2024 11:33:29 GMT
Hi there and thanks for your post. It must be difficult when a child is not ready to communicate how they are feeling with their parents. It sounds healthy they are seeing a therapist so they can have an opportunity to unpack and process what they are experiencing, in a safe space, without any pressure or judgment. Sounds like you are trying your best. Respecting space and developing healthy boundaries for each other and by listening to what your child needs is healthy. When I was around 7 years old I knew I had same sex attraction but I felt a lot of shame and certainly was terrified of my parents finding out, even though they were loving and supportive. I guess I was worried what my father would say more. It took me a long time to accept my sexuality, even when logically, I know it was perfectly normal. I also thought being gay meant I was unable to become a sportsperson and at the time a teacher or policeman. At that young age my mind was in a habit of overthinking and catastrophizing. This mind trap was difficult, partly because there were no positive role models around at the time. It's reassuring to hear you are a big supporter of LGBTQIA+ community. In what ways you show your support outwardly is often reassuring for others - i.e. how best to be an ally. www.lgbthero.org.uk/how-to-be-an-allyYour son may be coming to terms with their sexuality or gender, gender expression etc but also it may be a whole host of other reasons they do not feel comfortable talking about with you, yet. Often it is a feeling of whether it is safe to trust someone and fear of rejection. Sometimes bullying at school or online can cause us to feel isolated. Often for boys it can feel like a weakness to talk about that they are not coping. "Your son will probably have spent a long time, possibly years taking on board the fact that they may be different. They will probably have absorbed some of the discrimination, prejudice and negative stereotypes that unfortunately are still around. They will have become familiar with ‘teasing’ and homophobic bullying and the way that ‘gay’ can be used as a term of abuse. The teasing and bullying might not have been aimed at them, but they will have taken on board some of the negativity that even today is associated with being anything other than heterosexual. So no wonder it’s ‘really scary’ to tell your parents you’re lesbian, gay or bisexual!" - fflag website Try looking through these links >> www.theproudtrust.org/young-people/www.fflag.org.uk/Also, feel free to telephone Gay Switchboard to talk through your feelings too switchboard.lgbt/Best wishes and do stay in touch
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