Coming out advice

Hi there,

Thanks for your post. I'm Justin, a member of the OutLife Support Team. Coming out can be a really nerve-wracking time, but don't worry, a lot of us have been there before. Hopefully we can help you feel less nervous about the process of telling your parents.

For my part, I came out to my parents many years ago (14 to be precise) in a letter which they read whilst going out for a drive. I spent the next few hours biting my nails but actually it really helped to be able to control the situation by coming out in a way I felt comfortable and could say everything I needed without talking face to face. Generally it's a good idea to think about what would work for you emotionally.

We're not here to tell you what to do, or how to do it, but there are some great resources out there which could help you decide how you want to move forward. I've listed some of them below, it's well worth giving them a read. You may find that they help you feel calmer, or give you an idea about what would make you feel most comfortable.


- You don't mention how old you are, but Stonewall has a great coming out guide for young people with some tip-top advice, especially if you're worried about what your parents may think: "Your parents might be shocked, worried or find it difficult to accept at first. Remember, their first reaction isn’t necessarily how they’ll feel forever. They might just need a bit of time to process what you’ve told them. The thing most parents worry about is that their children are happy!" www.stonewall.org.uk/sites/default/files/coming_out.pdf

- A great way to feel less nervous about coming out is to read other people's stories about how they came out. RUComingOut has a great library of coming out stories from people all over the world, some of which are in video format. Have a look and you might find some great advice too: www.rucomingout.com/stories.html

- If you'd like to talk about coming out with someone who is LGBTQ+, then call Switchboard, a service run by LGBTQ+ volunteers. They'll gladly talk to you about coming out to your parents. 0300 330 0630 10am - 10pm.

- If you're coming out as trans, then Gendered Intelligence has a great guide here alongside a tonne of amazing information for trans people: genderedintelligence.co.uk/projects/kip/comingout

- The Albert Kennedy Trust also has a great set of information for young people looking to come out. It covers lots of bases, including what you could say, when you could say it, and where you can seek support if things don't go as you had planned: "It might be easier to talk to a relative or family friend first, either for advice about how to tell your parents, or for help in telling them. By making these decisions, you are bringing under control some of the difficulties you might have been worrying about." www.akt.org.uk/Handlers/Download.ashx?IDMF=7af8ea5b-2ce5-45af-aa44-7719c6f30fe6

I hope some of the above are at least a little helpful. Hopefully you can digest them whilst planning your next move. Just remember that no matter what happens, there are places you can find support, whether that's someone to talk to about your feelings, or more practical advice. Feel free, if you're comfortable, to re-post here and let us know how it went.

Best of luck,
Justin