Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2020 3:27:26 GMT
I know I am a bisexual male at 44. Lately it's been getting to me and playing on my mind alot as I feel I'm trapped. I'm normally an out going lad but have lost alot if confidence in myself as I feel I'm not being me and hiding who I am to friends and family..
I know I want to come out as a bi male and be proud but it's the reactions off friends and family I'm worries about it scares the life out of me
|
|
|
|
Post by roundabout on May 8, 2020 7:07:12 GMT
Hi there, I feel we are similar in as mu h as at the age of 61 I realised that these underlying feelings of attraction to men as well as women were real. I've always had a fondness towards men, and felt attracted to some over the years but always denied it to myself. Now I'm 63 and I don't want to end my life not accepting it and not being afraid of it. I'm not sure I will ever be able to come out but if I could accept my own feelings it would help I'm sure.
|
|
|
|
Post by simonjr on May 8, 2020 13:04:46 GMT
Hi there, I feel we are similar in as mu h as at the age of 61 I realised that these underlying feelings of attraction to men as well as women were real. I've always had a fondness towards men, and felt attracted to some over the years but always denied it to myself. Now I'm 63 and I don't want to end my life not accepting it and not being afraid of it. I'm not sure I will ever be able to come out but if I could accept my own feelings it would help I'm sure. Hi Roundabout. Seems that you have replied to someone who has deleted their membership. However, I appreciate what they and you have said. Unlike you both, I have identified as a gay man from birth. (I did get married to a woman for 12 years due to religious pressures but that's a long story.) I can imagine the realisation of being attracted to the same sex when you have not really noticed it before can be a bit of a shock to the system and takes some getting used to. I have found accepting myself has been crucial to happiness. Talking anonymously to a volunteer at the Switchboard has been very beneficial but sympathetic friends have been invaluable over the years. I am also 63 and for both of us up to the age of 11 homosexual acts were illegal and often imprisonable offences. It does leave a fear in our subconscious I think, did for me anyway. Despite all the advances in our country, it is still hard to conduct same-sex relationships in some cultures in Britain isn't it! Only you know your personal situation and how safe it is to 'come out' but probably your main question is to decide what it is you actually want. Once that is decided you can take steps in that direction. Cheers. Simon. |
|
|
|
Post by Martin on Jul 19, 2020 23:07:09 GMT
Hi, interesting. I am 55 and Finally accepted I was into men and women two years ago. I told my ex female partner I was gay. I decided it was time to come out publicly . So I tested the water so to speak and told a few people I knew. I did get a mixed reaction but didn’t let it put me down, I just saw it as their ignorance. I then told a female friend local to me and she said well done and that she is bi sexual. Since coming out I’ve met several men but have actually come to realise that I am bi sexual and have now settled with a woman. But accepting myself was the biggest challenge here. I was suffering from anxiety and on anti d’s. Now I’m not, I’m happy with where I am and my past. I’ve explored, I’ve had fun, with no regrets at all, and my mind is at peace with my body.
|
|
|
|
Post by simonjr on Jul 20, 2020 13:49:32 GMT
Thank you, Laserman1964. Very helpful to hear your story and so glad you are at peace with yourself now. Best wishes. Simon.
|
|
|
|
Post by Martin on Jul 20, 2020 15:27:50 GMT
Hi Simon
Thank you for that. Yes, absolutely I am. But what gets to me is why do we need to “come out” anyway. If gay is being normal then why the pressure to announce it. All that seems to do is add to the pressure for those who feel they are hiding from something so negative.
I love that I’m a gay / bi man. When I first met a man it felt so perfectly natural to me. But i hid it. As the years went by I accepted myself More and more and found myself being far more open about being just me. It’s society that is the problem not my sexuality.
I met several men over the years before finding a boyfriend. This was for a few months. But then met a lovely And very sexy man, it was very passionate but sadly didn’t last. The memories do.
Enjoy your sexuality, it’s fun!
|
|
|
|
Post by simonjr on Jul 20, 2020 19:30:51 GMT
It's a good point, Laserman. I don't think anyone should feel pressured to 'come out' - it really is only the business of the individual. However, for me, telling people has been cathartic and beneficial. Growing up, people used to constantly ask me - When are you going to get a girlfriend? I was a more or less straight-acting male so they naturally assumed I was straight. I hated that! Honesty is very important to me so it was very hard for me to have this thing I must hide. I think it is wonderful these days that people don't assume nearly so much about a person and that the identity of someone's sexuality is an open question until that person reveals it, and then only if they choose to do so. That really is all I asked of people. Don't assume anything about me - ask me and I will tell you or not tell you, that is my business. You will get the answer to your question or you will continue not to know. Now leave me alone. LOL.  It's good to hear you accepted yourself but sorry it took you so long. It does take a long time for some of us, but we get there in the end. A page you might like to read is Coming Out as an Adult on the Stonewall website. It covers the question Why come out? May be of interest to you. www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/coming-out/coming-out-adult-1Cheers. Simon. |
|
