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Post by confused17 on Apr 25, 2020 20:12:38 GMT
Hi, I am a female in my early thirties, I have a son who is almost a teenager, his Dad was my first boyfriend at the age of 17, I'd never been particularly interested before that. I have had 2 further serious relationships with men since separating with his Dad over the last 10 years. I split from my ex 4 years ago because I realised I started to have feelings for a woman, who is openly gay and (dont hate me) in a relationship with a woman. The last 4 years have been a rollercoaster, we have been having an affair, she told me throughout that her relationship is a companionship and she wants out but doesnt know how. She had a relationship many years ago and when she ended it her ex committed suicide, she is scared of this happening again. I have tried for atleast 3 years to get myself out of the affair, I hate myself for it, it's not me at all.. but I just cant get over her. I'm also really confused because I cant see a future with anyone as I dont know what that might look like, I.e. would they be male or female. I'm really struggling to determine whether the reason this 'relationship' feels so different is because she is the absolute 'one' or whether it's because shes a woman and I'm a lesbian. I never thought I was until her, I remember having a bit of a girl crush on a friend in college but that's about it. The three relationships I've had with Males have just never been right, almost like something was missing. My closest friends and family know about her, they dont like it, purely because of the situation rather than her being female. I've convinced them that it's just her and I'm not a lesbian, that's what I thought at first but I really dont know. I dont think I would be able to connect with a male the same way as her.. but at the moment I probably wouldn't with a female either as I cant see past her  I dont know what questions I want answering, maybe if anyone has been in similar situations? I just want to move forward but I dont know how and it's really getting me down, I cant think straight. |
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Post by simonjr on Apr 25, 2020 20:42:02 GMT
Wow, Confused17, that's quite a going on in your life there isn't it!
I would thoroughly recommend you phone the Switchboard and talk with someone there. The number is at the top of this page. I phoned them myself the other day and they are all working from home and very available. I think only available from 10 am to 10 pm at the moment though. I wish you well and hope you find the direction that is best for you. Simon.
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Post by Piltover on Apr 28, 2020 23:29:33 GMT
Hi confused17, Firstly, sorry for the delayed response, and thank you for your post, I know it's not always easy to talk about your experiences to strangers. It sounds like you're in a particularly difficult situation and have been for some time. Relationships can be so complicated, especially when you're also questioning your own sexuality or the long term viability of a situation. I've never been through your exact experience, but I've also had relationships that I understand might be damaging to me, and I've simply not been able to extract myself from then. Feelings of attachment, love, familiarity, they're so wonderful, but also make disentangling yourself from others a real struggle. I remember during a particularly difficult one I was also struggling to understand myself more, and it can be such a challenge to try and manage the relationship and and explore your own thoughts and feelings. I can't provide any solid answers here, but I think I can point you towards some resources, and provide some ideas that might help. I'm going to list them below, and hopefully you'll find at least a few of them useful. - You've said that you're wrestling with questions around your sexuality. I'd like to try let you know that this is totally normal, and lots of people go through it, at all ages! Many of us grapple with these questions in our 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. In the beginning there can be a real drive to attach labels to ourselves so that we can categorise our feelings, but it's OK to not be sure and just feel how you feel about others. There's no great rush to say you're a lesbian, or bisexual, or neither, these are questions you can find the answers to in your own time. - If you do want to take the time to focus on these questions, then talking to other people can really help. I'd echo Simon's idea about calling Switchboard. It's an LGBTQ+ charity that's staffed by volunteers from the community, and it's fab. You can contact them by phone, email, or webchat: 0300 330 0630, chris@switchboard.lgbt, switchboard.lgbt/ (webchat) - There are also other charities you can talk to. LGBT Foundation is another with a phone line (0345 3 30 30 30). Charities like LGBT Foundation also run drop in services where you could talk to someone over cup of tea, if you'd prefer seeing someone face to face. - As for your relationship, only you know what the right decision is. Once again, talking to others might give you the chance to really process your feelings, as it doesn't sound like you've got a confidante you can rely on to help you work through your feelings in a non-judgemental manner. It's here that speaking to strangers can sometimes be really amazing because unlike friends and people who already know you, you might find your chat with them a bit more dis-inhibited. I really hope some of the above helps. Whatever happens, there are LGBTQ+ people out there who are willing to help. We're always here! Take care, Justin |
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I dont know what questions I want answering, maybe if anyone has been in similar situations? I just want to move forward but I dont know how and it's really getting me down, I cant think straight. 
