Sexuality issue

Hi Blakey2930,

Welcome to the Out Life Forums.

I can relate regarding the Christian faith.  I was brought up a very conservative Christian but for me I always knew I was gay since the age of 5, believe it or not! The feelings I had terrified me as being homosexual was preached against, and still is in many such Churches I know of.

As I got older I came out to a limited number of friends and people I worked with but bottled out many times. I could never be fully 'out'.   I was subjected to a lot of adversity in the Churches I attended over the years.  In the end I got married aged 33 to a woman - it was an uphill struggle to say the least and ended in my having a complete breakdown 20 years ago.  I would always advise to be yourself and not be bullied.

So, regarding your question about your sexuality. I would say you really don't have to worry about having a label if you don't want one, and you should enjoy thoughts and fantasies about women or men as the moment takes you.  There really aren't any rules in this regard.  However, if you feel better having an identity which you can share with others like 'I am gay' or 'I am Bi', then it is entirely up to you how you express that.  There are a host of new definitions out there to consider if you want to.  Our experiences are different in that even though my environment was like yours I never felt any fantasies about women.  Hope that helps.

It can be confusing when your thoughts change significantly like that but this is not uncommon.  In your particular Church context can I ask if you find your new feelings towards men scary?  I mean, would it be something you would feel you have to keep under wraps? How does it make you feel, really?

You are very welcome to keep chatting here or if you want to talk on the phone to the Switchboard anonymously to well trained volunteers then I would certainly recommend that:- 

0300 330 0630  They can discuss anything you like and direct you to resources that may help you figure things out.

If you want to read some good tips on coming out then follow this link to the Stonewall site:-

www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/coming-out/coming-out-young-person

Take care & stay safe.
Simon.

You're welcome.

That's lovely to hear - sounds like you are feeling a bit less confused. Remember always you are in control. You don't have to come out at all to anyone, it is your business, but having said that I totally relate your final sentence. That was the reason why it was important to me to be out. Inexplicably (LOL) women have found me attractive and I needed to not lie to them as to why I wasn't interested. There were many situations when telling them I was gay was a relief to the situation.