Im struggling with who I am

Hi there Leoh,

Thanks for your post and being so up front about your situation.

It sounds like you're still exploring your sexual identity, which is a totally normal experience, but it's understandable that you're feeling some trepidation. I'm not bi but I can relate to the worry you're experiencing about the possibility of relationships changing if you come out - it's something a lot of us go through, especially bi people who can find themselves experiencing a completely different set of expectations and prejudices to gay people.

What I can say from my own experience is that in my case, coming out was a huge relief. Being able to express myself freely and explore my desires, without having to hide them, was such a great feeling, and though there were bumps along the way, it was a choice that I don't regret.

Everyone is an individual, however, and only you can know what's right for you in your circumstances. Whether you want to let your girlfriend know how you're feeling, or sit with your own thoughts for a while longer, is totally up to you. We're not here to tell you what to do, but one sound piece of advice is that talking to other people can really help in sorting through your thoughts and processing your feelings. Thankfully there are some great places where you can do that safely and anonymously if initially you'd rather not talk to anyone who knows you.

If you'd like to talk to another LGBTQ+ person, and maybe find other places where you can get support, we'd recommend calling Switchboard, which is an LGBTQ+ helpline that runs 365 days a year. Call them on 0300 330 0630, or email chris@switchboard.lgbt or try their webchat at their website switchboard.lgbt/

I hope you found some of that helpful. Please do post again to let us know how you're getting along.

Oh, and happy holidays!

Best,
Justin