Lockdown - stories and support

I had a full breakdown at work (I work in a supermarket), because of the lack of sex.
It is killing me.
I was already single for life before entering the pandemic, but at least I was in a job that I liked surrounded by likeminded people of which many I found in some way attractive. I had at least hope of connection and romance, at some point, in this forever single life I have.

Then the pandemic. Good thing I managed to get hold of another job and speak to people, have some social interactions anyways, that was key.
But no touching, no hugging, no close jokes, no talking about sex in general.

3 months ago I developed a crush on one of the colleagues and I did my best to speak to him normally, but I was gasping for air. with air I mean affection.
He was flirting back for weeks, which would have been a good sign, but of course it was all just for attention and vanity, as the secret of his forever chill demeanor came out: he was flirting while having a long-term girlfriend!
Aaah easy game yeah.
He waited for me to give him my number, to stop talking to me, avoid me and treat me like a danger to keep away. Delightful. I se enjoyed that(not).

I really wanted to get down with him, he seemed so honest and decent and similar to my approach to the job. But no.

I am in such a need for sex that it is difficult to live like this. And apps won't do. I tried but I need to fancy someone, which happens often, but it needs be someone I've seen in a social context and worked with for a while.

It is such a huge spontaneous investment of emotions, every single time to be treated like trash. By boys, by girls, it doesn't change anything. I also tend to make a polite ''first move'' so it's not like I'm the passive one.

It's a tragedy.
Many times I want to smash my head on a wall and I regularly have long breakdown crises a month after I am once again treated like trash (the rejection is ok, it is not ok the disrespect).