Straight, gay then straight!?!

Hi lbseaside,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you find yourself in. It's always hard when one partner says they want to leave a relationship, and after being together for such a long time I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now.

I'm not a relationship counsellor so can't provide you with direct advice about what you should do, but I will say that when I've experienced issues in relationships in the past I've found it extremely helpful to talk to a trusted person who can provide comfort, and a little outside perspective. Only you know what the best course of action will be, but don't try to force yourself into deciding that right away. It sounds like the conversations with your partner are ongoing, and that they've been doing some thinking lately, so I might gently suggest that you do the same for yourself with a friend, family member, or even with one of the dedicated LGBTQ+ support services.

It seems from the title of your post that you're also asking the question about whether it's possible for someone to be straight, then gay, then straight again as well. For this question I've got a bit more of a concrete answer for you. There are lots of different ideas and models about how sexuality functions but it's not uncommon for people to prefer being with one gender for a period of time and then another without necessarily changing the way they identify. Some people will never identify as straight, but have opposite-sex relationships, and some people may have relationships with the same sex but not identify as gay / lesbian. It's dependent on the individual and for some, sexuality is a more fluid experience than it is for others. I hope this helps in some way.

Anyway, I think the best advice I can give here is that you should take good care of yourself at the moment: being stuck without your partner in the middle of a lockdown can be super challenging and looking after your mental health (as well as taking the time to speak to others) is vital. You don't mention whether you have any support networks around you but if so, do make sure you're engaging them as much as you can, and remember, if you now live alone then you're legally allowed to support bubble with another household and be indoors with them.

If you'd like to talk to another LGBTQ+ person confidentially, I'd suggest calling Switchboard, the LGBTQ+ helpline. It's an amazing service staffed by queer people who'd be glad to talk to you over the phone about your situation.

Tel 0300 330 0630
Webchat switchboard.lgbt/
email chris@switchboard.lgbt

Please do take care of yourself and let us know how you're getting along! You can post here any time you like; the forums are always here for you.

Love and solidarity,
Justin