Is it worth it?

Hi Jene,

Thanks for your post, I'm Justin, a member of the OutLife support team.

The decision to come out can feel agonising for so many of us. I remember feeling exactly that way when when I came out to my parents 15 years ago. Similarly to you I had pretty much already moved out of the family home, and knew that after I'd packed up and gone, telling them the truth would probably be much harder. In the end, I told them just before I left, which I think was the right decision for me in the long run. What's right for you, only you can decide. After all, only you know your own feelings and family members. It's important that when we look at other's stories we don't use them as a rod to beat ourselves: just because someone else came out in seemingly similar circumstances, doesn't mean you should feel compelled to.

You've probably considered the possibilities and consequences in your head hundreds of times already, but I'd say it's probably worth giving yourself time to properly think it over, talk with other people, and read up. There are some great resources out there which can help inform you, and might spark some thoughts you hadn't yet had.

With that in mind, below this I'm going to link to some resources and help lines that you might find useful. It could be that one of these helps you make a concrete decision, when you're good and ready that is:

- You don't mention how old you are, but Stonewall has a great coming out guide for young people with some tip-top advice, especially if you're worried about what your parents may think: "Your parents might be shocked, worried or find it difficult to accept at first. Remember, their first reaction isn’t necessarily how they’ll feel forever. They might just need a bit of time to process what you’ve told them. The thing most parents worry about is that their children are happy!" www.stonewall.org.uk/sites/default/files/coming_out.pdf

- The Proud Trust also has a super online guide that you might find useful: www.theproudtrust.org/for-young-people/advice-and-support/coming-out/

- As you're at university, it's also worth seeing what support, both financial and emotional the university could give you in the event that you do come out to your parents. They may even be able to provide a counselor so you can just talk over how you're feeling, not matter what you decide.

- A great way to feel less nervous about coming out is to read other people's stories about how they came out. RUComingOut has a great library of coming out stories from people all over the world, some of which are in video format. Have a look and you might find some great advice too: www.rucomingout.com/stories.html

- If you'd like to talk about coming out with someone who is LGBTQ+, then call Switchboard, a service run by LGBTQ+ volunteers. They'll gladly talk to you about coming out to your parents. 0300 330 0630 10am - 10pm.

- If you're coming out as trans, then Gendered Intelligence has a great guide here alongside a tonne of amazing information for trans people: genderedintelligence.co.uk/projects/kip/comingout