Post by bikeandgo on Feb 7, 2021 6:54:12 GMT
Hi all,
I’m (38m) new here and was hoping to better understand my wife’s (36f) situation. I’d like to make it clear that I only want to support her as best as possible, I have no interest in ‘convincing’ her to stay or trying to change her mind. I just want to be the best friend I can be to her, whatever that entails.
She’s recently said she’s confused about her sexuality and is in love with a woman and wants to separate. She recognises that she’s been sexually attracted to women for some years, but has only really acknowledged it over the last 16 months to her self and the last 3 weeks to me. She currently says she feels very gay. When I ask her about our relationship she’s adamant that she has been sexually attracted to me and that what we had was genuine attraction (I wasn’t sure if she had ‘realised’ it wasn’t). She even said recently that she though I looked ‘fit’. And as a result says that she would call herself bisexual as she has loved a man, and loved a man prior to me also.
This is the bit I am struggling to understand slightly, and I want to understand for her benefit as much as mine. I guess it would be easier for me to understand if she said “I’ve always been gay”. But that’s not the case and I’m trying to understand the fluidity of her sexuality and why that means that she thinks there is no hope in us trying to reconnect and find that spark that we once had. She describes it as a ‘block’ that just stops her saying “let’s give it a go”. I can’t escape the feeling that this is as much to do with the fact that she’s in love with someone else as it is her sexuality.
I think it’s important to point out that we’ve not had a single argument or cross word over this. There’s been lots of hugging and crying and we remain best of friends. We’ve been together 18 years and have 3 children (8,5,3) together. So we’re never not going to be in each other’s lives, and this is a massive decision, she knows that. Frankly she’s very distressed by it all, and I’m worried that it’s taking a large mental toll. I want to help her as best I can and would appreciate any insights anyone has.
Thanks.
I’m (38m) new here and was hoping to better understand my wife’s (36f) situation. I’d like to make it clear that I only want to support her as best as possible, I have no interest in ‘convincing’ her to stay or trying to change her mind. I just want to be the best friend I can be to her, whatever that entails.
She’s recently said she’s confused about her sexuality and is in love with a woman and wants to separate. She recognises that she’s been sexually attracted to women for some years, but has only really acknowledged it over the last 16 months to her self and the last 3 weeks to me. She currently says she feels very gay. When I ask her about our relationship she’s adamant that she has been sexually attracted to me and that what we had was genuine attraction (I wasn’t sure if she had ‘realised’ it wasn’t). She even said recently that she though I looked ‘fit’. And as a result says that she would call herself bisexual as she has loved a man, and loved a man prior to me also.
This is the bit I am struggling to understand slightly, and I want to understand for her benefit as much as mine. I guess it would be easier for me to understand if she said “I’ve always been gay”. But that’s not the case and I’m trying to understand the fluidity of her sexuality and why that means that she thinks there is no hope in us trying to reconnect and find that spark that we once had. She describes it as a ‘block’ that just stops her saying “let’s give it a go”. I can’t escape the feeling that this is as much to do with the fact that she’s in love with someone else as it is her sexuality.
I think it’s important to point out that we’ve not had a single argument or cross word over this. There’s been lots of hugging and crying and we remain best of friends. We’ve been together 18 years and have 3 children (8,5,3) together. So we’re never not going to be in each other’s lives, and this is a massive decision, she knows that. Frankly she’s very distressed by it all, and I’m worried that it’s taking a large mental toll. I want to help her as best I can and would appreciate any insights anyone has.
Thanks.
