Should you change your appearance to find love?

Hi there glitterboy,

Thanks for your post and welcome.

While I haven't experienced the exact struggle you're facing, I can relate. I'm a gay man and there's so much pressure in the community to look masculine, even though lots of us, myself included, are actually quite comfortable appearing more femme. It's an expectation that's become increasingly toxic in recent years, and it must be really hard to feel like you're not getting the same amount of attention when you present the way you want to.

As for your question, I think that's a question only you have the answer to, but I guess I'd like to pose a question in return. Would you feel truly comfortable long-term if you didn't present as femme and weren't able to outwardly express your gender identity the way you want? I just think it's something to consider when thinking about making such change for the benefit of others rather than ourselves.

Do you have any friends, particularly nonbinary ones who you could talk this over with? It might help to have a friend who can discuss this with in detail. It also might help to talk with an online community and connect with people who've had similar experiences. Gendered Intelligence has a great list online of resources for nonbinary people, including a forum genderedintelligence.co.uk/projects/kip/transidentities/resources-nb

I hope find some of the above helpful. If you've got any more questions please feel to post again and do let us know how you're getting on.

Justin
xx