Moving from a small town to the big city - HELP!

Hi catapult.

Welcome to the forums. Absolutely the right place to post this.

Sorry to hear you had to move back home last year. Especially when you've set your mind on moving to London and begining a new life. But I guess a good thing to know is that you're not the only one this happened to. I even know some who have lived here for years and then moved out of London due to finances. It's not a great city to be in right now because it's still very expensive and if you don't have full time employment some landlords won't rent to you.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this question because both answers are right. Some might say go with it and just move and see what happens, what's the worst thing that could happen. Others will say be a bit more cautious and get that experience you need first as it will give you a chance to be able to afford and live the London life.

I myself moved to London when I was 26 and was not on a great income at the time. I struggled for the first few years to enjoy the life I had but when I did I really enjoyed myself. I think it's down to what type of life you want to live in London and that will help you find whether right now or when you can get a good paying job is best.

Also, listen. I fully understand about leaving a small town for the sake of your own mental health. I'm from a small town in Ireland and I couldn't wait to get out of it. The bright lights of Dublin and London were always on the cards. As I said, there is no right or wrong answer here and you'll have to go with your gut instinct. I guess if I were to give advice to myself looking back. I'd say do it all again. I found a way to live with the money I had and made it work. London life is tough but when it's good... it's really good. It can also be difficult to make friends here. Some walk right into the city and thrive. Others it takes time. The first 6 months can be hard.

But I'd say bear in mind that London right now is going through a major change. Nobody is sure what will survive this. It may take it a couple of years to get back to normal. Ask yourself if that matters?

In regards to your experience, my advice would be volunteer, volunteer, volunteer if you can. Volunteer your skills to a charity, small group, community group, offer your services for free to orgs that work online right now. It will give you that experience you need, and fast. 6 months doing voluntary work for a small charity could open lots of doors. We can recommend Charity Jobs, Third Sector and check out the Consortium's website for more opportunities. It may work, it may not. But it's something different to try.

Can I ask, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most. How desperate are you to get to London right now?

No problem. Sometimes it's difficult to explain this all to non LGBTQ+ people. They simply don't get it. That's why we're here.

I also get the age thing. The great thing about London, when it gets back to normal, is that there's a different scene for every age and type. Also people inter-grate. It's not strange to see people in their mid-50 dancing on the same floor as a 21 year old. We all understand that LGBTQ+ venues are a safe space, they are not just bars. So even though you think you're waisting time, you're probably not. I'm in my mid 30s now, been in London for nearly 11 years and I can tell you that age is no barrier to do anything. I can got to G-A-Y if I like or I can go the the RVT. Both are options.

But I'm aware I'm used to this life. You must feel anxious and just want to get here and start living. As I said, there is no right or wrong way to do this but maybe meet yourself in the middle. Give yourself some time but not a lot. Pick a date and work towards it and get everything you need to get done before that date. That way you set yourself goals and once you achieve some of them it will make you more confident of the move. In regards to London, the LGBTQ+ scene probably won't get back to normal for a while. You have time. Whatever you choose, do it because you want to. Go with your gut.

You should check out our FindOut service. It has a lot of links to social groups in London. Some info might not be 100% up to date due to lockdowns but it will give you an idea what's available here so you can start planning findout.outlife.org.uk/ .

Hope that helps!

Ahh, okay. I get it.

I don't think it's something you shouldn't worry about but don't worry about it too much. The amount of people I've met who are in their 30s and 40s who move to London to restart again. They have to do what they have to do. The good thing about being a bit older is that you know what it takes, have some life experience and can move quickly through the systems. 30/31 is not that old to come to London to start a career. But in the meantime do try and see if volunteering for charities in their finance department might be a good move. Also small charities need treasurers to stand on their boards. If you have that skill it could look great on a CV and you help a charity/community group. It could help speed up the process while you're looking or in paid employment.

And you're most certainly not alone in wanting to spend your off time feeling isolated. But if you have a plan in place to solve that then you can deal with it until you get to where you want to be.

Have you tried any online support groups to help you with the isolation/loneliness?