Struggles of bisexuality in a relationship

Heya love

Can I start with saying I’m so happy to have found someone in the exact same crisis as myself. These have been recurring thoughts and feelings of mine over the last 3-4 months and I feel they’re only getting stronger. I’m male and bisexual as well. Iv been sure iv been bisexual since I was at least ten but due to being in school and everything I never came out for fear of bullying or what women with think of me also being attracted to men and if that would then in turn hurt my chances of ever being with a women I was genuinely interested in. Of course I know I’ll never know if that would of been the case and I would of been bullied or not had I come out but I’m pretty sure I would have just due to general offhand jokes and comments that are daily made in that environment. So I’m turn only close friends ever knew I was bisexual. My girlfriend now is the most amazing incredible women iv ever met and I am truly in love with her and she’s the only girlfriend iv ever openly came out to as bisexual and she was completely ok about it and said it actually explained a few things lol. She’s also bisexual which probably also helped her understanding but I am like you getting this feeling of something missing and almost that I’m living a lie? I do get these urges almost as you say when I’m alone mostly and not around her where I’ll drift off and genuinely wonder what going out on a date with a guy would be like and actually having male/male relationship and I just don’t know what to do. Like you I don’t want to cheat on her I love and respect her far to much for that and it’s a horrible thing to do anyway. Also there’s no chance of being polyamorous either.

So the conclusion that I’m now struggling with is so I just bring this all up and tell her straight exactly how I’m feeling and constant battle that rages in my mind asking me if being with her and having a beautiful family in the next few years is what I actually want? Or do I go and find bisexual self and have that security of knowing? Or hope these feelings eventually fade (which I think is wishful thinking). Worst of it is I feel guilty already for even having all these thoughts and not already have spoken to her about how I’m feeling we tell each other everything and I know I want to marry her and give her beautiful children these are things I know I genuinely want, however I still can’t sake the feeling that this is something I NEED to do.

I’m sorry I haven’t been more helpful but iv been scrolling the dark recesses of the internet myself to real avail until I discovered this forum so thank you for asking the question and helping me see I’m not the only on wrecking my mental health about this. Stay in touch let me know how you get on.

Much love and best of luck
Jj

Hi All,

I hear all of you on this, and I am only just opening up about it. I have also experimented in the past but it was nothing serious.. I have only been in serious relationships with men. I have come to a point in my life where I am starting to piece together my thoughts and feelings regarding my identity. I think the purpose is to try and own and have more confidence in who I am, accepting my autonomy and that I just don't fit into the 'norm'.

I am in a loving and monogamous relationship but I do wonder if I would be happier with a woman and always have, but really I am do not have a strong urge to run away with anyone. Male or Female. I am with my partner because I am happy, and questioning the relationship and what you want is normal. If the feeling becomes so strong then I think you will not question it so much as the alternative will become clear?

I tried to tell my partner that I identify as bisexual and I think he got a bit insecure and did not understand as he has only ever been in heterosexual relationships. He is very sweet and open-minded and I think opening up here will help me communicate with him how I am feeling, and that he does not need to feel threatened. I just want to be open about who I am and how I feel as an individual (or womxn?). All kinds of thoughts are going through my head at the moment, about whether it is ok to come out? I admit am anxious about it. It isn't just being accepted, it's the potential upheaval.. I hope it's ok to share this, too:

I escaped DV and have a son, I only recently got diagnosed with PTSD for compounded past and more recent trauma. There have been several court proceedings over the last few months and a breakdown in my relationship really wouldn't help. So maybe it's more about timing?

Opening up about my mental health helped me feel more compassionate towards myself.

Over the last few years I have gone from living in abandoned buildings and being subjected to abuse, to studying a degree in Science in a safe space. I have told the university about my mental health and the support all around was outstanding (actually overwhelming and made me cry). This journey has really helped me come to terms with who I am, and I guess that had led me here and helped me realise the importance communicating my feelings and being more compassionate with myself.

If anyone can relate, has advice or simply wants to connect I would love to hear from you.

I hope you are all well and finding some peace with this conundrum!

Devi

Wow, Devi. That went quick. How are you feeling now it's been a few days. Any update for us?