Post by zero3 on May 23, 2021 22:57:14 GMT
Hey there!
Hope everyone is well. It really good to see there is a good community here and offering some heart warming stuff.
I am after some relationship advice as I am having trouble with a on / off relationship for 15 years. The relationship has had fair share of rough and tumble but we just seem to keep crossing paths. Unfortunately I kind of get the feeling he’s not the one but everytime a break it off he returns 3-4 months later in a never ending cycle. Let me give you a little history to the situation…
I’ve been out for 20 years and have been in couple of longterm relationships with gay men and had a side relationship in between breakups with a Bi sexual man. We seem to hit off really well most of time and spend 3-6 months in a relationship and trying to make a serious commitment to each other. Unfortunately everytime I get close to being in a fulltime relationship with him, he throughs a barrier up. Some of his barriers have either been to do with his homophobic Mother, not being see in public together (he works in politics), not ready to move in or studying for a PhD. Now I am patient person to survived this long but when he puts a barrier up Im left heart broken by more time than i can count.
Over past few years I have asked him to move in with me, when I worked in london or back at home. His excuse is that he must finish what he started before we move in together. By about the 6th time I said no more to this relationship and said we shouldnt contact each other. I would block him each time via phone or social media… yet he keeps on coming back some how. During lockdown He tried to contact me again but this ended up in a bitter argument where I asked him to leave me alone and some how his mother was there… we had one of the biggest fights over homophobic issues and her controlling nature over her son. In the end I said dont ever contact me again otherwise I will involve the police. About 2 weeks later his mother writes to me, my feelings towards this was ignore it and not read it. My mum finally read it to me and still keeps the letter. All i can say is that his relationship with his mother is abusive and very similar to the old days of when Thatcher was still alive but thats another story for another day…
So I wrote him an email in which I said its best we leave this relationship be as the last orders bell has been rung. In there I said dont come call by otherwise I will need to speak to the police as he has in the past just turned up or stalked me for a few days in my neighbourhood.
Time passes and 2nd lock comes by. During this time he some how manages to find a way to contact me… now I work in IT and had blocked every social channel you could think of. But there it was a message… i sat on it for a month and then another came through. I thought it best to see what he had to say as time had passed. Again things pick up and he was keen to get back together with the backing of his mum. (Surprised after calling her a *blah*).
So 6 months we are back to talking about him moving in and settling down after he failed his PhD. All seems good on paper until I learn he wants to study again and work part-time while doing voluntary work in london with no paid expenses. You can guess who will paying for his rent and travel… me I would guess.
Some part of me wants to see him succeed but last night I learnt something. He and his mum appear to be codependent on each other for income. My BF gives her £80 a month for rent and food (very lucky guy) but she gets to use his bank card to take money out for otherthing like one or food, as the mother’s partner doesnt provide income. (She hates his guts wants him out of the house and for her son to settle with me… this is coming from a homophobic mum). My BF owes them for University fees and for the new course in the ££££s. This is sending alarm bells off in my head… I am reading too much into this or am I right in thinking there is potential possibility of me being used by my BF and his mother for money?
The more I see of his past the more I want to help but a part of me thinks im being used by my BF to escape his mother or could face issues where he has no money and have to bail him out. I guess the question is do I love him that much for these pass 15 years to count towards something?
Thank you for reading…
Mr Tea
Hope everyone is well. It really good to see there is a good community here and offering some heart warming stuff.
I am after some relationship advice as I am having trouble with a on / off relationship for 15 years. The relationship has had fair share of rough and tumble but we just seem to keep crossing paths. Unfortunately I kind of get the feeling he’s not the one but everytime a break it off he returns 3-4 months later in a never ending cycle. Let me give you a little history to the situation…
I’ve been out for 20 years and have been in couple of longterm relationships with gay men and had a side relationship in between breakups with a Bi sexual man. We seem to hit off really well most of time and spend 3-6 months in a relationship and trying to make a serious commitment to each other. Unfortunately everytime I get close to being in a fulltime relationship with him, he throughs a barrier up. Some of his barriers have either been to do with his homophobic Mother, not being see in public together (he works in politics), not ready to move in or studying for a PhD. Now I am patient person to survived this long but when he puts a barrier up Im left heart broken by more time than i can count.
Over past few years I have asked him to move in with me, when I worked in london or back at home. His excuse is that he must finish what he started before we move in together. By about the 6th time I said no more to this relationship and said we shouldnt contact each other. I would block him each time via phone or social media… yet he keeps on coming back some how. During lockdown He tried to contact me again but this ended up in a bitter argument where I asked him to leave me alone and some how his mother was there… we had one of the biggest fights over homophobic issues and her controlling nature over her son. In the end I said dont ever contact me again otherwise I will involve the police. About 2 weeks later his mother writes to me, my feelings towards this was ignore it and not read it. My mum finally read it to me and still keeps the letter. All i can say is that his relationship with his mother is abusive and very similar to the old days of when Thatcher was still alive but thats another story for another day…
So I wrote him an email in which I said its best we leave this relationship be as the last orders bell has been rung. In there I said dont come call by otherwise I will need to speak to the police as he has in the past just turned up or stalked me for a few days in my neighbourhood.
Time passes and 2nd lock comes by. During this time he some how manages to find a way to contact me… now I work in IT and had blocked every social channel you could think of. But there it was a message… i sat on it for a month and then another came through. I thought it best to see what he had to say as time had passed. Again things pick up and he was keen to get back together with the backing of his mum. (Surprised after calling her a *blah*).
So 6 months we are back to talking about him moving in and settling down after he failed his PhD. All seems good on paper until I learn he wants to study again and work part-time while doing voluntary work in london with no paid expenses. You can guess who will paying for his rent and travel… me I would guess.
Some part of me wants to see him succeed but last night I learnt something. He and his mum appear to be codependent on each other for income. My BF gives her £80 a month for rent and food (very lucky guy) but she gets to use his bank card to take money out for otherthing like one or food, as the mother’s partner doesnt provide income. (She hates his guts wants him out of the house and for her son to settle with me… this is coming from a homophobic mum). My BF owes them for University fees and for the new course in the ££££s. This is sending alarm bells off in my head… I am reading too much into this or am I right in thinking there is potential possibility of me being used by my BF and his mother for money?
The more I see of his past the more I want to help but a part of me thinks im being used by my BF to escape his mother or could face issues where he has no money and have to bail him out. I guess the question is do I love him that much for these pass 15 years to count towards something?
Thank you for reading…
Mr Tea
