Not wanting to objectify women

Hi Jo. I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling with this. Unfortunately, I think that what you’re feeling is quite common amongst women who are attracted to women.

You’re not a bad feminist for looking at explicit images online, and like you said, you can’t help what you’re attracted to. Having preferences is completely normal and a human thing to have.


Objectification is not having preferences or being attracted to someone. Objectification is defined as ‘the action of degrading someone to the status of a mere object’ which absolutely does not sound like what you’re doing. You sound like you’re doing the opposite and treating people as people, not objects. You’re acknowledging that you have preferences but wouldn’t force them onto a partner, and that acknowledgment is definitely enough.


I can’t tell you if you’re denying your sexuality or not, but it does sound like you’re being a bit hypercritical. Which, again, is a common feeling amongst women who like women.


In feminism, fighting objectification is a huge goal, and it makes sense as women are so often objectified by men. But a by-product of this is that women who like women often see their attraction to women as objectification. It doesn’t help that homophobes and straight men so often sexualize women who like women and that so much representation of women who like women, in the media or elsewhere, is for the male gaze. I think that this also contributes to women who like women feeling like their preferences and/or attractions are somehow objectification.


All this is to say that you’re not alone in feeling like this, and that you’re absolutely not objectifying women.


If you’d like some additional support, organizations like LGBT Foundation lgbt.foundation/ Elop www.elop.org/ and Switchboard www.switchboard.org.uk/ offer support in a variety of ways for LGBTQ+ folks.


Feel free to keep us posted on how you’re doing.

Elle