Bi-romantic but never been in a relationship

Hi there snailappreciator,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forums!

Sounds to me like you're in a quandry with your romantic orientation that a lot of people find with their sexual orientation. It's a common question people ask: "can I be gay if I've never even kissed another person of the same sex?". The answer to that question is most definitely yes! While I'm not as well versed in the intricacies of romantic orientations, my instinct is to say that the same thing applies: if you're experiencing romantic feelings in a particular direction, then those feelings are valid, regardless of whether you've "stress tested" those feelings by being in a relationship.

That isn't to say that you might learn more about yourself during the process: people often discover new aspects of their sexual and romantic identities as their lives unfold, and the same may be true with you, but what I don't think you should do is invalidate your own feelings because you've not had certain experiences. What matters is how you feel.

It sounds like you've done quite a lot of self-discovery already which has led you to the conclusion that you're not aromantic or asexual, and maybe the next phase of exploring your identity could involve speaking to someone who is LGBTQ+? Switchboard is a great helpline staffed by trained queer volunteers who are there to listen to you on sex, sexuality and anything else! You can call them on 0300 330 0630, or email chris@switchboard.lgbt, or use the webchat on their website: switchboard.lgbt/

You can also try reading our fact sheet on romantic orientations: though given what you've already said I'm not sure how much more you'll be able to glean from it! www.lgbthero.org.uk/what-are-romantic-orientations

Feel free to post again any time and do let us know how you're getting along!

Love and solidarity,
Justin