Gender Identity?

Hi there! Thanks for your post and reaching out as you try to figure out your gender identity.

And don’t apologize! Everybody who’s LGBTQ+ is new to the community at some point, and your English is great

Just a disclaimer before I reply to you: I’m a cisgender woman so I’m definitely no expert on gender identities outside of my own.

So, it sounds like you’re biologically a girl, but that doesn’t mean that your gender has to be female. Gender identity and biological sex can be different. And I totally agree, being a woman in the 21st century is often not great--sexism still runs rampant in most societies. I think you can blame society for not wanting to ‘act feminine’ or wanting to be a male character in an adventure book, but it could also be something to do with your gender identity. I can’t tell you this for sure, though, since you know you best.

As for the gender dysphoria part, you don’t have to experience gender dysphoria to be transgender and/or another nonbinary gender identity. It’s just most common for trans folks to experience gender dysphoria. 

It sounds like you’ve found some labels that suit you already with regard to sexual and romantic orientation, which is great! I also identify along the asexual spectrum and I completely agree that having a name does make a lot of things much easier and brings comfort.

And it’s totally logical that you’d want to find a label for your gender state next! Good on you for reaching out and posting on these forums for some support

Not relating to any gender definitely and not feeling comfortable with labels isn’t transphobic--that’s just your own feelings about your own gender, which are completely valid. Being transphobic would be saying and/or thinking something like ‘trans people don’t exist.’

And you’re right, some people feel their gender very strongly. This doesn’t mean that you have to. You don’t have to match or force yourself into terms like feminine, masculine, etc.

You don’t have to match yourself to those terms regardless of your gender identity. You can identify as a woman and still not force yourself to be feminine or girlish or whatever. Your gender identity is your own, and please don’t feel any kind of pressure to force yourself to be feminine or masculine or anything else.

As for being a woman and nonbinary--I’m not sure if you’re asking if you can be biologically a woman and still be nonbinary or something else, but you can absolutely be biologically a woman and still identify as nonbinary. Plenty of people who are biologically female identify as nonbinary. In terms of gender identity, you can also identify as both a woman and nonbinary. There’s a cool article about that here: www.teenvogue.com/story/9-things-people-get-wrong-about-being-non-binary

This post absolutely isn’t inappropriate and it takes courage to reach out and get support, so thank you for doing that!

Here’s some more resources and avenues for support if you’d like:

Switchboard switchboard.lgbt/ has an LGBTQ+ support helpline as well as other resources.
Gendered Intelligence genderedintelligence.co.uk/ also has support and info.
MindLine Trans+ bristolmind.org.uk/help-and-counselling/mindline-transplus/ is another helpline, but one that’s specifically geared towards those who identify as trans, agender, nonbinary, or another gender diverse identity.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey to figure out your gender identity and I hope some of this reply was helpful!

Please feel free to keep us updated on how you’re doing.
Elle