Treated as trash (please help)

sadpotato
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Posts: 2

Treated as trash (please help) Jun 7, 2021 20:35:44 GMT via mobile

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Post by sadpotato on Jun 7, 2021 20:35:44 GMT

Hi, I will be glad if you pay a little attention to this thread and help me. I'm 14. Now I am sitting on the floor in my room and crying out with some sort of panic. This is because my friend (let's call him Matt) cannot accept me as part of LGBTQ + and I am already confused about what is right for me.
From birth I am a woman, I have female genitals and a female physique. Sometimes I feel like a woman, sometimes like a man. I am bisexual and I am also attracted to both genders. Well, as for my friend... He's homophobic and when I came out as who I am he did'not accept me and started to abuse me. He often laughs at me, like there is nothing wrong with it, but it really hurts me.
The most painful thing for me is when we play video games with our friends. Then Matt turns into a real tough abuser. He makes offensive jokes in my direction and humiliates me, emphasizing that I am a girl. My other friends don't do that, they even perceive me more as a bro, for which I am very grateful to them.
I want to stop Matt from seeing me as a weak noob, just like a thing or an empty space.I really want to become Matt's bro, not a thing he could laugh at. I'm so tired of him talking to me like he's talking to a whore!
Well I don't flirt with him or kinda, I do not even try to be cute, but I'm the only girl with whom he's friends and he just can't let me make him my bro. As he said once "I don't see you like a jerkmate or something". But I really want him too!!! I'm not less cool than any of his pals, he just can't accept it.
I'm so tired of him thinking I can't take care of myself in a game match, tired of him thinking I can't have a girlfriend, tired of him thinking I'm just trash and anything I do is lame. I tried myself as an artist, as an animator and once Matt said my work will bring me nowhere. As for him he can't do what I can and pretty much pf his achievments is what his parents did or bought for him.

ellel
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Posts: 30

Treated as trash (please help) Jun 8, 2021 10:05:08 GMT

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Post by ellel on Jun 8, 2021 10:05:08 GMT

Hi there. Thanks for your post and I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. It sounds like your ‘friend’ is not being a true friend.

First off I’d like to give you some mental health resources if you’d like them:

Switchboard switchboard.lgbt/ has an LGBTQ+ support helpline as well as other resources.
LGBT Foundation lgbt.foundation/ also has a support line.
MindOut mindout.org.uk/ has online mental health support services specifically LGBTQ+ folks.
MindLine Trans+ bristolmind.org.uk/help-and-counselling/mindline-transplus/ is another helpline, but one that’s specifically geared towards those who identify as trans, agender, nonbinary, or another gender diverse identity.

Now, back into your post.

Again, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to be struggling with your gender identity and having a ‘friend’ who won’t accept you.

I’d like to say that your biological sex doesn’t have to define or match your gender identity, that you can identify outside of the gender binary, and that there’s more than two genders. If you’d like a list of a variety of gender identities, LGBT HERO has one here: www.lgbthero.org.uk/glossary-of-gender-identities. Mermaids mermaidsuk.org.uk/ also has great resources on gender identity.

You say that this friend of yours is being abusive and it sounds like his behavior is really taking a toll on your mental health. I’d like to refer you back to the mental health resources I linked above.

I don’t if you’ve tried talking to Matt about his behavior, but you could try talking to him if you feel safe doing so. If you don’t feel safe talking to him, or talking to him won’t change his behavior, then I suggest that you cut contact with him. This may sound harsh, but it may be necessary for your own mental health. I can't tell you what to do, though.

Your other friends seem like great friends and accepting of you, but ‘Matt’ just seems like a jerk and like he’s always putting you down and invalidating your LGBTQ+ identity. There’s probably a reason you’re the only girl (or whatever you choose to identify as) he’s friends with. He probably has treated other girls (or people he sees as girls--your gender identity is valid whether you're a girl or something else) just like you, and they’ve left him because of that. Matt seems like an awfully toxic person.

You have other friends who accept you, and you will make more friends. You’re 14; you have so much life and opportunities to make better friends ahead of you. Don’t let his awful behavior dictate your life, your identity, or how you feel about yourself. I know it’s hard when someone is constantly putting you down to not let it get to you, but what I would say is that Matt has definitely got other issues and he’s probably just taking them out on you. That doesn’t make his actions justified, but it hopefully helps explain that what he says and does is probably not about you.

I say this as a 20 year old who’s also had friends like Matt. At first, I took every crappy thing they said to me personally, but then I realized that they had their own issues going on and that they were just taking it out on me. And sometimes, they were just bad people entirely. Matt may be one of those people. Whether Matt has background issues or is just a bad person, he’s not a person you need in your life.

And like you said--you’re tired of him and his behavior. So stop being tired of it and just get rid of it completely.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Apologies if I seem overbearing or blunt, but I’m mad at Matt and I don’t even know him.

Here are the resources again if you need them:

Switchboard switchboard.lgbt/ has an LGBTQ+ support helpline as well as other resources.
LGBT Foundation lgbt.foundation/ also has a support line.
MindOut mindout.org.uk/ has online mental health support services specifically LGBTQ+ folks.
MindLine Trans+ bristolmind.org.uk/help-and-counselling/mindline-transplus/ is another helpline, but one that’s specifically geared towards those who identify as trans, agender, nonbinary, or another gender diverse identity.

I wish you the best on figuring out your gender identity and your struggles with Matt.

Please feel free to keep us updated on how you’re doing.

Elle

Last Edit: Jun 8, 2021 10:35:59 GMT by Piltover

antony
Newbie

Posts: 2

Treated as trash (please help) Jul 19, 2021 23:29:21 GMT

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Post by antony on Jul 19, 2021 23:29:21 GMT

Hello,

In the past, I would have said something along the lines of "just ignore it," but this person who is supposed to be your friend comes across as someone who isn't. They might be acting this way because they are confused or want their friend back, and he thinks that by bullying you, he will get what he wants. There could be many reasons for it.
If he has to bring you down to lift himself up, then that isn't okay. It isn't what friends do. It doesn't matter if it is a group of girls, guys, or mixed, people don't do this in real life, and if they do, clearly something is wrong with them.
We all go through different experiences, and we interpret them years later differently, too. In a few years, when you are in a place where you can recollect and process what you have been through, you will see it from many angles. One thing that is certain is people can change, and they grow up eventually, and if they don't, that is another story, but I think that what you are doing and at your age, though it will be difficult at times, you are going to be fine.
The advice Elle gave you pretty much took most of the words out of my mouth.
It will be a good idea to look into the links provided to get information or any support you need.
I am twenty-three years old, and I'm a trans-man. I came out when I was on the edge of turning fourteen, and I understand what you are going through as someone who has experienced similar things, especially when it comes to abusive behavior or the invasion of privacy.
When you are trans people who aren't seem to forget that you are still human. They tear everything that makes you a person away and reduce you to being a "thing" or a "fetish," and when you are able to articulate yourself, present reasonable arguments, debunk false information surrounding transgender, those people act surprised because they were under the impression that every trans person is irrational and mentally ill. There is nothing wrong with being different, it only becomes a problem when people turn it into one.
I came out two weeks after a failed suicide attempt. I told my best friend that being a girl felt like I was cross-dressing. I am a man pretending to be a woman, and he encouraged me to tell my family. I won't go into it right now as it is a long story. But I am happy that I did what I did, otherwise, I probably would not be alive now.
However, I digress.
You sound like a thoughtful, bright young individual. Who is willing to put other people first. Sometimes, you need to be selfish. Try to focus on people that care about you, who want good things for you. People like "Matt" aren't ready yet, and sometimes it can take years for them to get to a place where they are comfortable enough within themselves that they can be.
Being a young teen is hard because you are growing into yourself. You get all these feelings and thoughts that might scare you (I'm trying my hardest not to swear for once, which is new) and those things can be complicated. It becomes harder when everything feels like it is against you too. The important thing to remember is that you are never alone in a situation, or anything for that matter, there will be other people who understand and can offer advice or help.
I wish you well.
Antony

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Treated as trash (please help)

Post by sadpotato on Jun 7, 2021 20:35:44 GMT

Post by ellel on Jun 8, 2021 10:05:08 GMT

Post by antony on Jul 19, 2021 23:29:21 GMT