A drunken confession

A drunken confession Jun 14, 2021 20:26:02 GMT

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Post by Nezumi on Jun 14, 2021 20:26:02 GMT

Hello

(Just for some background i’m 17 and non-binary afab (not that anyone from my class knows this) and the girl im talking about is bi)

So a couple days ago some stuff went down, and I thought I could just move on or at least not care, but it has been eating away at me ever since and I REALLY need some advice or just a chance to get it off my chest.

As it, rather unsurprisingly, must start.. there is this girl I like. Like really REALLY like, and have for a while, with my feelings only growing stronger lately. I literally can't stop thinking of her and even as I'm writing this, my heart aches knowing she is not by my side. (my god that sounds so sappy im sorry lol)

Anyway to get to the point, i went to a party with my classmates about 3 days ago, where said girl also attended. (yes, she is the reason i went). The night progressed and everyone, including myself, got a little passed tipsy. Me, the girl, and about 4 other people were talking, when the others thought it would be a wonderful idea to let the girl that i like and one of the dudes get to know eachother better alone, saying stuff like how it was about time the dude got something started with someone.

Believe it or not this is not the first time something like this has happened, and both the other times, I took a deep breath and went on my way knowing I was no match against a straight couple. I initially did the same this time HOWEVER this wasn't the same as the times before. SHE was not like the times before.

My heart was absolutely shattered and I was straight up heartbroken, even though we weren't even in a relationship. However in my drunken daze, my feelings quickly turned into a form of determinedness unlike I had ever experienced before.

As you might have guessed I was NOT ready to give up on the girl that had me falling so damn hard.

So i took my, at this point eggnormous willpower, and started spewing shit, like how was willing to fight for her (which honestly is true), how i was better for her than him (i won't lie this one is also kind of true, since that dude has been known to be a bit of an ass at times, even though in general he's not the worst). I also pushed myself in between them and told the dude to, and I quote, “stay away from my girl” (keep in mind they don’t know for sure that i am into girls but its not like i hide it and most people figure it out pretty fast).

It continued like that for most of the evening, however the classmates i mentioned before (the ones who tried to set the dude up with the girl i like) kept on trying to get me away from the girl in order to give the other dude a chance, but i was so focused that i couldn't, no, didn't care, about anything that wasn’t related to the girl i like. Although in the process I said some rude stuff to them and kept telling them to stay out of it.

Not much more happened, and I ended up going home before the others, because the last bus was about to leave and I had no other way to get home.

The next morning I woke up and my god… what have I done…
Not only did I basically confess my love to the girl that has me head over heels, but I managed to piss most of my classmates off by getting in the way of her and the other dude.
I was left with disgust over my actions and a handful of regrets HOWEVER there was one part that i just couldn't shake. I had actually, and for the first time, told the girl I liked that I liked them.. Something that i very much do NOT regret

The day after, I wrote a message to the girl, expressing how I was sorry for my behavior and how I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable. I then said that even though I meant everything I said, it wasn't exactly my best performance. (notice how this is me soberly admitting that i like her)

I got a reply stating that she was in no way uncomfortable, which was a huge relief. However in reference to me liking her, she said that she felt honored.. and left it at that.

So here I am..
I have since the message gone back to talking like we used to without any awkwardness, however my feelings are still there and my god they still grow stronger.
I feel like a total mess and even though I didn't get rejected, I'm scared my feelings won't be taken seriously.

Phew that turned out way longer than expected, but it felt good to share this.
Thank you for reading if you made it this far

- Nezumi

A drunken confession Jun 15, 2021 10:23:14 GMT

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Post by ellel on Jun 15, 2021 10:23:14 GMT

Hi there. Thanks for your post.

Sounds like you really like this girl and good on you for apologizing for your behavior at the party, even though you meant what you said. That’s a very responsible and respectful thing to do.

I hear how difficult it must have been for you to see the girl you like be ‘coupled off,’ so to speak, with someone else, even if it was a set up. It’s totally understandable that you felt heartbroken.

And being drunk can definitely impair your decision-making abilities, so it also makes sense why you became so determined to act on your feelings for this girl and disrupt her and the dude, even going so far as to push yourself in between them and be rude to your classmates. And if you’re worried about fallout for inadvertently revealing that you like girls, I wouldn’t worry too much because you say that you don’t hide it and most people figure it out quickly. If they’ve figured it out and haven’t been discriminatory or mean to you, then I think you’re okay.

I understand feeling regret over being rude to your classmates, but you can always apologize to them like you did the girl (if you haven’t already). And it’s normal to feel regret over things like that, so don’t worry too much about it. Feeling regret is human.

I also understand not feeling regret over confessing to the girl that you like her. And again, good on you for apologizing and it’s great that she wasn’t uncomfortable.

Given that she said she was honored that you like her, I agree that you didn’t get rejected. But you also didn’t get clear confirmation if she likes you back or not. This definitely can be frustrating and scary, like you said. But I would also say that it sounds like she’s mulling over your confession and feelings toward her and may be leaving the door open to reciprocating your feelings. Reciprocation is definitely not a guarantee, but it’s a hopeful sign that she didn’t reject you outright.

It’s also good that you’ve gone back to talking without awkwardness. Confessing your feelings for someone unfortunately goes wrong a lot of the time. It sounds like you’re experiencing an overall positive outcome, but it’s totally understandable that you feel like a mess and are scared that your feelings won’t be taken seriously. Those are totally valid feelings.

I do think that she’s taking your feelings seriously, though. She said she was honored, which is not a dismissive thing to say.

Thank you again for sharing and I’m glad that you got it off your chest. I hope that some of this is helpful and/or validating.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your feelings are reciprocated, and if not, that you can continue on being friends. It does sound like you’re already doing that though, which is great!

Elle

If you’d like further support, Switchboard switchboard.lgbt/ and LGBT Foundation lgbt.foundation/ have support helplines and other resources.

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A drunken confession

Post by Nezumi on Jun 14, 2021 20:26:02 GMT

Post by ellel on Jun 15, 2021 10:23:14 GMT