Feel totally overwhelmed
Mar 6, 2019 15:38:13 GMT
Post by sjjfs000 on Mar 6, 2019 15:38:13 GMT
Hey, I don't know what to do any more. For basically my entire life I've had poor self-esteem, a growing list of mental health problems including generalised anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and occasional bouts of psychosis. I feel like I've got so much to give but these have always stood in the way of me getting what I want. My relationships fall apart quickly because I'm needy and selfish, I've never managed to excel at my job because I'm so up and down and have no self-belief, and I can tell now that my family and friends are getting tired of digging me out of a hole every time I dig one.
All the things that matter to someone in life, in my case, are going or gone, and the little pieces of energy I have left go into keeping myself safe. It takes half my energy in a day to just drag myself out of bed and get into the shower, never mind live my life properly. I've become one of those people who barely ever leaves the house and spends most of the their time tucked under a duvet. I remember when I was younger I used to think forward to the future and all the exciting things I'd do, and achieve, and people I'd meet. Now I can see nothing but a steady decline with more mental hurdles, more pain, and fewer and fewer people who can be around me.
I've tried psychotherapy, I've tried antidepressants, I've tried exercise, mindfulness, art.... nothing seems to make me feel better. My daily mental state is so heavy and filled with anxiety that I'm just not sure how much longer I can keep going. Suicidal thoughts have come and gone over the last decade, but this time they're back with a vengeance and sometimes the only time I feel a little bit better is when I imagine killing myself and the pain stopping. There would be no more intrusive thoughts, no more disappointment, and I could just be at rest.
Funny thing is, I don't think I really want to die. If I could swap my life out for someone else's , someone who had a working brain that didn't collapse at the first sign of trouble, then I'd do it in an instant. Maybe I just want all this shit to go away. Anyway, the reason I'm posting here is that I'd like to hear from any of you whose lives have actually changed. My life going to shit feels inevitable, but have any of you actually beaten this stuff and managed to feel different?
All the things that matter to someone in life, in my case, are going or gone, and the little pieces of energy I have left go into keeping myself safe. It takes half my energy in a day to just drag myself out of bed and get into the shower, never mind live my life properly. I've become one of those people who barely ever leaves the house and spends most of the their time tucked under a duvet. I remember when I was younger I used to think forward to the future and all the exciting things I'd do, and achieve, and people I'd meet. Now I can see nothing but a steady decline with more mental hurdles, more pain, and fewer and fewer people who can be around me.
I've tried psychotherapy, I've tried antidepressants, I've tried exercise, mindfulness, art.... nothing seems to make me feel better. My daily mental state is so heavy and filled with anxiety that I'm just not sure how much longer I can keep going. Suicidal thoughts have come and gone over the last decade, but this time they're back with a vengeance and sometimes the only time I feel a little bit better is when I imagine killing myself and the pain stopping. There would be no more intrusive thoughts, no more disappointment, and I could just be at rest.
Funny thing is, I don't think I really want to die. If I could swap my life out for someone else's , someone who had a working brain that didn't collapse at the first sign of trouble, then I'd do it in an instant. Maybe I just want all this shit to go away. Anyway, the reason I'm posting here is that I'd like to hear from any of you whose lives have actually changed. My life going to shit feels inevitable, but have any of you actually beaten this stuff and managed to feel different?
