A mixed bag
Sept 6, 2021 10:23:46 GMT
Post by bigbadbazza on Sept 6, 2021 10:23:46 GMT
OK born 1961, started cross dressing around age 12 been doing so on and off all my life I guess no one truly knows why they feel that passion to wear female attire but for me I just feel more at one with myself.
Aged 38 im dyexnosed with klinefelter's syndrome 47xxy, know thothing about it and no one explained it to me so had to do all the leg work myself and believe me you find out things you never know about ie up to that point I suppose I'd lived a sheltered life 😁 but on searching for info you lern about things witch open your eyes 😃 BDSM etc 🤪 back in those days i know nothing of LGBTQ or anything about intersexed or related subjects 🤔 I've seen and read about stuff and I'm sorry to say even with my open mind I found some to be rather sick and depraved but everyone to there own form of satisfaction or gratification what ever 🤣,
Anyway klinefelter's syndrome is an intersexed condition & there are many versions of KS
medlineplus.gov/genetics/condition/klinefelter-syndrome/#:~:text=Several%20conditions%20resulting%20from%20the,%2C%20and%2049%2CXXXXY%20syndrome.
Thankfully information on KS these days is for better than it was when I started searching yet nun of what I found linked my desire to dress in women's clothes ie a form of fetishism or in some cases a paraplegic disorder ie people dress for many reasons, something I've been trying to work out for many years why I desire to wear the clothes of the female gender, So why am I linking it with my KS well we will get there soon, see back when I started dressing i had no concept or understanding of gender, orientation of dressing in female clothing because the only why I can explain it is I felt free and alive when I put these clothes on like a grate weight had been lifted of my shoulders etc I felt good about myself,
Anyway I was proscribed testosterone HRT for my KS if I know of its affects and changes I would have never taken any of it, yes in part some was exseptable ie I'd gorn through life without any strength lifting things was always a struggle compared to other males because I never developed any muscle mass but there again I didn't think of myself as any different to any other male, but when I started taking testosterone HRT I most certainly started seeing feeling things indifferent to other males 3 years on testosterone most definitely had an effect on me not tge effect one would expect ie the Endocrinologist always told me i'd start feeling more masculine being i had no clue what a masculine feminine person felt I had no clue what to expect but what I started feeling wasn't anything masculine in fact I was a mixed bag of feelings and perceptions cross gender frictions in one hand I was feeling sexual arousal as one would expect of someone in puberty in the other hand gender confusion in one hand I'd see females as a sexual desire in the other hand I'd see them as something I felt I should be and around about that time is when I felt that I should have breasts on my chest, see when I started CD I had no concept of gender or sexual identity I just felt good about what I was wearing, but now my cross dressing took on a different perspective because I started buying bras and other under garments and my desire to be dressed feminine became a obsession making my life very difficult and frustrating because of past tens ie being court around the age of 14 in a dress and being peraded by my mother and siblings ie having the piss taking out of me etc, now made it difficult to be seen in public dressed in the cloths I felt more comfortable wearing ie I've never been cross dressed in public i may have worn the odd undergarments but what you dote see you dote make comments about, I hate the fact that I can't bring myself to dress in feminine clothing when I go out because I'd enjoy wearing any number of my dresses or tops and skirts etc instead I wear my joggers and t-shirts ok women wear them to but thats not how I like to dress because I prefer dresses tops and skirts leggings are kind of ok under a skirt or dress in colder temperatures but as a holl id prefer not to and to be honest whats feminine about wearing trousers women have become to masculine in the way they dress these days,
Anyway I know wear silicone breast forms in my bras when I'm dressed female witch I have to admit make me feel good still not the real breasts I'd like on my chest but aged 60 there's no chance I'll ever grow them so it will have to be implants and I'm not talking little puppies god knows why but I desire a fuller bust a D cup would be nice as long as they are full bodyed because you may of may't know it that a D bust can be small to larg as with all busts yes one can create a bigger bust with different style bras but if you got big boobs you dote need a bra to push and lift I dunno sometimes I think I'm sick.
Anyway moving on i aproched my doctor expressed how I was feeling and asked to speak with someone on gender related issues, 6 mothers i get a letter of referral to see a Psychoanalysis i alive at tge appointment spill my guts and I'm told "sorry but I dote quite understand your issues" ill refer you over to a colleague whll understand (are what little he kniw) anyway another 6 months another appointment another 45 minutes spilling my guts tobe told see you on your next appointment another 6 months but it got cancelled 3 times so well over a year later I see Heather George O ill never forget her name because in the time I had been wanting I had learnt about things to do with gender dysphagia etc anyway appointment made and kept but she just wanted me to chatter gibberish for another 45 minutes so I ask dote you wish to ask me any questions on what I told you Well over a year back straight forward answer No just continue so I asked if she had any under standing of gender related issues ie like gender dysphagia her answer was somewhat astonishing as she stated im a professional Psychoanalysis so I asked what exactly is your understanding of gender related issues her answer wasn't what you would expect because she stated she knew quite about about sexual related issues so I said but this is nothing to do with sexual related issues as sex and gender are different ie sex is something you do with another person and gender is who you are etc her response was "its all in your head you have no clue what your talking about" and she's the professional o dear with that I left in a bit if a huff and some time later revisited my GP again expressing a need to speak with someone on the issues I 2as having evenchaly I got to speak with someone a bit more understanding but again he didn't understand my issues but did off to referr me onto any one that could help me I I so wished, around two years later wile searching the Internet a woman behind me stated you won't find what your looking for on there my response to her what what the F would you know she then stated I wasn't always a woman turns out she had been born male and xxy and some years down the road transitioned to become a woman O I learned a lot from Geraldine sadly no longer with use as she had picked up a blood related illness from a blood transition after a motorcycle accident many years earlier,
Anyway she told me you need a referral to charring cross GID so I wrote to the Psychoanalysis and he referred me on to charring cross GID sadly all they where willing to offer me was another testosterone HRT treatment witch admittedly I tried unsuccessfully many years later trying to live as best I could and now one could get a referral fro your GP woody no more Psychoanalysis no more head banking brick walls yep by that time my anxiety and stress levels where harder to deal with being I get confused easily can't stand crowded places so spoke with a friend and he was willing to drive me there and me first visit was brilliant as at long last someone understood me and stated I was a good candidate for transitioning sadly my own NHS Trust didn't feel the samevway because everything charring cross offered me my NHS Trust refused to fund and after many visits to charring cross my friend sorry ex friend started to refuse taking me so now I'm in limbo ones more.
So why can't Brighton NHS Trust have a gender clinic hear being there is rather a large community of trans non-binary etc living with in Brighton and surrounding area, after all they must understand how difficult it is for some to travel grate distances without assistance it would certainly help not just me but many others, I'm 60 now and my mobility isn't what it use to be walking is a big problem now a day's I use a mobility scooter to get around getting on a train is not a problem getting on the tube or a bus is I can do a ruffle do a distance of 30 miles in one direction.
Anyway back to my mix bag 🤣🤣🤣 in reasent years I've been fantasising about being with another male ie I feel the desire to be the fem in a sexual encounter 😁 odd seeings I've always considered myself straight but ha that's life maybe its my feminine side 😅 who knows, when I first started getting these feelings I used all sorts of implements then a friend loaned me a 7" dildo lovely witch I have to admit was very nice but it wasn't the real deal it didn't have the real connection so I eventually met up with a guy and things happened initially I found myself comfortable around another guy not at odds as I had been with so females yep when it came down to him performing the one thing I so wanted he unfortunately could not perform, I'm beginning to think ill never get what I desire one becoming the women I some how feel I am or the sexual encounter I so desire,
O I dunno life and all its barriers maybe, not that I will, just feel it sometimes that I'd be better off because I just can't go on living like this, Why could I not have born like everyone ells male or female what ever just not with all these cross gender feelings and not with these godforsaken desires, why the hell did I take the testosterone because I never had all these feelings before used to enjoy life to a point now I'm just living day to day screaming in my head.😔
Aged 38 im dyexnosed with klinefelter's syndrome 47xxy, know thothing about it and no one explained it to me so had to do all the leg work myself and believe me you find out things you never know about ie up to that point I suppose I'd lived a sheltered life 😁 but on searching for info you lern about things witch open your eyes 😃 BDSM etc 🤪 back in those days i know nothing of LGBTQ or anything about intersexed or related subjects 🤔 I've seen and read about stuff and I'm sorry to say even with my open mind I found some to be rather sick and depraved but everyone to there own form of satisfaction or gratification what ever 🤣,
Anyway klinefelter's syndrome is an intersexed condition & there are many versions of KS
medlineplus.gov/genetics/condition/klinefelter-syndrome/#:~:text=Several%20conditions%20resulting%20from%20the,%2C%20and%2049%2CXXXXY%20syndrome.
Thankfully information on KS these days is for better than it was when I started searching yet nun of what I found linked my desire to dress in women's clothes ie a form of fetishism or in some cases a paraplegic disorder ie people dress for many reasons, something I've been trying to work out for many years why I desire to wear the clothes of the female gender, So why am I linking it with my KS well we will get there soon, see back when I started dressing i had no concept or understanding of gender, orientation of dressing in female clothing because the only why I can explain it is I felt free and alive when I put these clothes on like a grate weight had been lifted of my shoulders etc I felt good about myself,
Anyway I was proscribed testosterone HRT for my KS if I know of its affects and changes I would have never taken any of it, yes in part some was exseptable ie I'd gorn through life without any strength lifting things was always a struggle compared to other males because I never developed any muscle mass but there again I didn't think of myself as any different to any other male, but when I started taking testosterone HRT I most certainly started seeing feeling things indifferent to other males 3 years on testosterone most definitely had an effect on me not tge effect one would expect ie the Endocrinologist always told me i'd start feeling more masculine being i had no clue what a masculine feminine person felt I had no clue what to expect but what I started feeling wasn't anything masculine in fact I was a mixed bag of feelings and perceptions cross gender frictions in one hand I was feeling sexual arousal as one would expect of someone in puberty in the other hand gender confusion in one hand I'd see females as a sexual desire in the other hand I'd see them as something I felt I should be and around about that time is when I felt that I should have breasts on my chest, see when I started CD I had no concept of gender or sexual identity I just felt good about what I was wearing, but now my cross dressing took on a different perspective because I started buying bras and other under garments and my desire to be dressed feminine became a obsession making my life very difficult and frustrating because of past tens ie being court around the age of 14 in a dress and being peraded by my mother and siblings ie having the piss taking out of me etc, now made it difficult to be seen in public dressed in the cloths I felt more comfortable wearing ie I've never been cross dressed in public i may have worn the odd undergarments but what you dote see you dote make comments about, I hate the fact that I can't bring myself to dress in feminine clothing when I go out because I'd enjoy wearing any number of my dresses or tops and skirts etc instead I wear my joggers and t-shirts ok women wear them to but thats not how I like to dress because I prefer dresses tops and skirts leggings are kind of ok under a skirt or dress in colder temperatures but as a holl id prefer not to and to be honest whats feminine about wearing trousers women have become to masculine in the way they dress these days,
Anyway I know wear silicone breast forms in my bras when I'm dressed female witch I have to admit make me feel good still not the real breasts I'd like on my chest but aged 60 there's no chance I'll ever grow them so it will have to be implants and I'm not talking little puppies god knows why but I desire a fuller bust a D cup would be nice as long as they are full bodyed because you may of may't know it that a D bust can be small to larg as with all busts yes one can create a bigger bust with different style bras but if you got big boobs you dote need a bra to push and lift I dunno sometimes I think I'm sick.
Anyway moving on i aproched my doctor expressed how I was feeling and asked to speak with someone on gender related issues, 6 mothers i get a letter of referral to see a Psychoanalysis i alive at tge appointment spill my guts and I'm told "sorry but I dote quite understand your issues" ill refer you over to a colleague whll understand (are what little he kniw) anyway another 6 months another appointment another 45 minutes spilling my guts tobe told see you on your next appointment another 6 months but it got cancelled 3 times so well over a year later I see Heather George O ill never forget her name because in the time I had been wanting I had learnt about things to do with gender dysphagia etc anyway appointment made and kept but she just wanted me to chatter gibberish for another 45 minutes so I ask dote you wish to ask me any questions on what I told you Well over a year back straight forward answer No just continue so I asked if she had any under standing of gender related issues ie like gender dysphagia her answer was somewhat astonishing as she stated im a professional Psychoanalysis so I asked what exactly is your understanding of gender related issues her answer wasn't what you would expect because she stated she knew quite about about sexual related issues so I said but this is nothing to do with sexual related issues as sex and gender are different ie sex is something you do with another person and gender is who you are etc her response was "its all in your head you have no clue what your talking about" and she's the professional o dear with that I left in a bit if a huff and some time later revisited my GP again expressing a need to speak with someone on the issues I 2as having evenchaly I got to speak with someone a bit more understanding but again he didn't understand my issues but did off to referr me onto any one that could help me I I so wished, around two years later wile searching the Internet a woman behind me stated you won't find what your looking for on there my response to her what what the F would you know she then stated I wasn't always a woman turns out she had been born male and xxy and some years down the road transitioned to become a woman O I learned a lot from Geraldine sadly no longer with use as she had picked up a blood related illness from a blood transition after a motorcycle accident many years earlier,
Anyway she told me you need a referral to charring cross GID so I wrote to the Psychoanalysis and he referred me on to charring cross GID sadly all they where willing to offer me was another testosterone HRT treatment witch admittedly I tried unsuccessfully many years later trying to live as best I could and now one could get a referral fro your GP woody no more Psychoanalysis no more head banking brick walls yep by that time my anxiety and stress levels where harder to deal with being I get confused easily can't stand crowded places so spoke with a friend and he was willing to drive me there and me first visit was brilliant as at long last someone understood me and stated I was a good candidate for transitioning sadly my own NHS Trust didn't feel the samevway because everything charring cross offered me my NHS Trust refused to fund and after many visits to charring cross my friend sorry ex friend started to refuse taking me so now I'm in limbo ones more.
So why can't Brighton NHS Trust have a gender clinic hear being there is rather a large community of trans non-binary etc living with in Brighton and surrounding area, after all they must understand how difficult it is for some to travel grate distances without assistance it would certainly help not just me but many others, I'm 60 now and my mobility isn't what it use to be walking is a big problem now a day's I use a mobility scooter to get around getting on a train is not a problem getting on the tube or a bus is I can do a ruffle do a distance of 30 miles in one direction.
Anyway back to my mix bag 🤣🤣🤣 in reasent years I've been fantasising about being with another male ie I feel the desire to be the fem in a sexual encounter 😁 odd seeings I've always considered myself straight but ha that's life maybe its my feminine side 😅 who knows, when I first started getting these feelings I used all sorts of implements then a friend loaned me a 7" dildo lovely witch I have to admit was very nice but it wasn't the real deal it didn't have the real connection so I eventually met up with a guy and things happened initially I found myself comfortable around another guy not at odds as I had been with so females yep when it came down to him performing the one thing I so wanted he unfortunately could not perform, I'm beginning to think ill never get what I desire one becoming the women I some how feel I am or the sexual encounter I so desire,
O I dunno life and all its barriers maybe, not that I will, just feel it sometimes that I'd be better off because I just can't go on living like this, Why could I not have born like everyone ells male or female what ever just not with all these cross gender feelings and not with these godforsaken desires, why the hell did I take the testosterone because I never had all these feelings before used to enjoy life to a point now I'm just living day to day screaming in my head.😔