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Post by confusedandsad on Sept 14, 2021 20:02:11 GMT
Hi all,
I wanted to post here as this is something I find hard sharing and don't have many friends I can share with. I'm going to give you some background first, I had kids really young and rushed into a relationship at 18 and never really got the opportunity to explore my sexuality and assumed I was bisexual, as since I was really young I have found woman incredibly attractive and fantasised about them. This past summer I have been going to a lot of LGBT+ club events and all women lesbian events and it's made me feel weird about my heterosexual relationship. I've had issues with intimacy in the relationship for a while that I put down to past trauma. Anyway, recently I kissed a girl in a club and the feeling I got from it was different to anything I've felt, and since then when I think about it it gives me tingles in my stomach. I'm now at a loss and I'm confused as to whether I am a lesbian in the closet or just bisexual and craving more. I've only ever had one relationship and sexual partner which is the father of my children so I've never really got to experiment or experience much. I lived in a very homophobic family who made it clear that being Gay was not acceptable and I'm wondering whether that made me stifle my sexuality. I don't know if it's possible to suddenly realise this late in life (I'm 23), but since this realisation it's all I can think about.I noticed many years ago that when I would be having sex with my partner that I was craving something different and a different level of intimacy, this has only continued and has left me feeling nothing during sex with my partner. As we have kids together and they are so young I don't know how to talk to him properly about this, I don't want to lead him on but I'm confused in my own body and I don't know what to do. I'm in a really depressive period right now as I feel trapped and I don't know what to do. Any help or nice words would be appreciated
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Post by onedayatatime on Sept 15, 2021 1:13:49 GMT
Although I'm not the most experienced or sure myself I would say that
A) You're very brave to talk and ask about these things, and I wish only the best for in the future!
and B), that the only piece of advice I can give you is to just visualize yourself in the "perfect life"- whatever over-the-top scenario you want. Now, just who does your partner in this scenario happen to be? Are they male? Female? Can you not tell?
This trick might not work well with everyone, but it's what finally allowed me to realize + come out to myself in a rather dark point of my life a few years back.
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Post by Piltover on Sept 15, 2021 10:42:58 GMT
Hi there confusedandsad, Firstly thank you for sharing your story on the forums, I know it's not easy. This is a welcoming and safe space though and I'm sure you'll find some people who've been in similar situations. I'm a gay man who came out relatively early, so I've not been through your exact experience, but I can identify with many parts of your story: feeling confused about my sexuality, being frustrated at being unable to explore desires more, and being in a household where being queer was deemed unacceptable. It's a tough set of circumstances but you don't have to go through this process alone; there is a lot of support out there and a whole LGBTQ+ community who can help you reflect on what you might want or need going forward. I'll start with the nice words as requested ^^. Firstly, it's amazing that you've been thinking about this and acknowledging your feelings. This is a huge step forward in itself and takes a lot of internal awareness and courage. Please also try not to blame yourself for any of the circumstances you find yourself in. Being LGBTQ+ is complicated and your situation is actually incredibly common. Our options as young adults are shaped by our environment, and it sounds like you didn't have the freedom to express yourself back when you were younger. Also, you're still incredibly young at the age of 23 and have a whole life ahead of you. Many many people haven't come out by this time, and whatever happens, love, stability, and happiness are still very much all possible. The same would be true if you were 63! As for help, I can't tell you what to do, and it sounds like you've already done a lot of reflection about your same sex attraction and the status of your sexual relationship with your current partner. What I can say is that talking with some of the other LGBTQ+ people you've been connected with might help you parse some of your feelings and understand yourself better. Some people prefer to talk anonymously as it gives them the space to talk totally openly in a situation where they aren't worried about being judged, so that could also be a great option. There are quite a few LGBTQ+ resources like this: Switchboard - The UK's oldest LGBTQ+ helpline. It's staffed by queer volunteers who will gladly talk to you about your situation, and may be able to help direct you to further support. You can call them 10am - 10pm on 0300 330 0630, or webchat here: switchboard.lgbt/ or email them chris@switchboard.lgbt. ELOP - If you'd like to talk to a licensed therapist about your sexuality then ELOP has a great online offering of LGBTQ+ psychotherapists who might be able to help you work through your feelings. Email info@elop.org Above all, try to be kind to yourself, accept that your feelings are valid, and have (very justified) hope that things will get better. We're always here if you need us, and please do let us know how you're getting along. Love and solidarity, Justin |
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Post by joeyj81 on Sept 17, 2021 13:06:20 GMT
I came out a few weeks ago after 20 years of being in denial. I am bisexual but I took me a while to realise it after I kept denying it.
I feel so much better for coming out and wish I did it sooner rather than later. You just have to do what’s right for you.
Don’t ever let it eat away at you.
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Post by whoknows on Jun 1, 2022 14:28:36 GMT
Hi Confusedandsad, I wonder if you might still be on this post and how you're doing now. I can totally relate to your post, being in a very similar situation myself right now. Young children, married, denied past sexual experiences with women and didnt let myself believe, enjoy, or accept them. Homophobic family, even now in this day and age. Struggling with physical intimacy with my husband and have done for 2 years or so, now can't even bring myself to kiss him. Wondering how you're doing and if you've any pearls of wisdom? Hope you're doing well! x Hi all, I wanted to post here as this is something I find hard sharing and don't have many friends I can share with. I'm going to give you some background first, I had kids really young and rushed into a relationship at 18 and never really got the opportunity to explore my sexuality and assumed I was bisexual, as since I was really young I have found woman incredibly attractive and fantasised about them. This past summer I have been going to a lot of LGBT+ club events and all women lesbian events and it's made me feel weird about my heterosexual relationship. I've had issues with intimacy in the relationship for a while that I put down to past trauma. Anyway, recently I kissed a girl in a club and the feeling I got from it was different to anything I've felt, and since then when I think about it it gives me tingles in my stomach. I'm now at a loss and I'm confused as to whether I am a lesbian in the closet or just bisexual and craving more. I've only ever had one relationship and sexual partner which is the father of my children so I've never really got to experiment or experience much. I lived in a very homophobic family who made it clear that being Gay was not acceptable and I'm wondering whether that made me stifle my sexuality. I don't know if it's possible to suddenly realise this late in life (I'm 23), but since this realisation it's all I can think about.I noticed many years ago that when I would be having sex with my partner that I was craving something different and a different level of intimacy, this has only continued and has left me feeling nothing during sex with my partner. As we have kids together and they are so young I don't know how to talk to him properly about this, I don't want to lead him on but I'm confused in my own body and I don't know what to do. I'm in a really depressive period right now as I feel trapped and I don't know what to do. Any help or nice words would be appreciated |
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