Confused

Hi Eb!

Sorry it's taken a little while to get back to you things have been rather busy here. I hope you're doing OK.

Sounds like you're experiencing a lot of different thoughts about your sexuality and how you experience romantic feelings. Long distance relationships can also be really confusing and hard, especially when the distance is so long, so I can really understand how you've found yourself in a tricky mental situation, but try not to worry, so much of what you're going through is perfectly normal, and there is no set period of time in which we're expected to "totally understand" our sexual and romantic selves. I know lots of people who are in their 30s 40s and above who are still discovering parts of themselves, and that's totally fine!

You've said that you identify as bi/pan and then in a subsequent post that you're identifying more as a lesbian, but also that you've experienced anxiety about identifying that way. It sounds to me, and correct me if I'm wrong, like you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure to "solve the puzzle" of your own sexuality in a limited time, and that's not doing much good for your mental health. It's great that you're waiting on therapy, as a trained therapist can be a great person to help you gently explore yourself, and guide you toward a place where you feel happier and more secure.

I'm not bi/pan and I've never been in a heterosexual relationship so I can't share any experience there I'm afraid. I have, however, been in relationships where things haven't felt quite right, and it's a difficult thing to wrestle with. Once again, talking to other people, whether it's just someone you trust, or a professional, could be really helpful for you. I know it's really helped me in the past, especially when navigating complex relationships.

If you're looking to speak to another LGBTQ+ person I'd advise contacting Switchboard on 0300 330 0630, or you can webchat with them here: switchboard.lgbt/, or email chris@switchboard.lgbt. It's staffed by LGBTQ+ volunteers, and they'll be more than happy to talk about your feelings with you.

If you find yourself waiting for therapy, there are also online LGBTQ+ options, such as the therapy provided by ELOP: www.elop.org/

I do hope that you find some of the above helpful. More than anything I'd say be kind and patient with yourself, you don't have to have everything figured our right now.

Justin