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Post by lenno on Nov 16, 2021 18:15:51 GMT
For some reason catching homosexual feelings unexpectedly still scares the crap out of me. I’m probably bisexual, definitely bicurious.
When I spend time with people I know to be gay or bi things are generally fine but when I catch feelings for someone I’m not sure is gay or bi it frightens me. I guess in this context I feel how I feel is dangerous. At school gay was never a good thing and only something bullies would say to you or anyone who wanted to diss you really.
I feel like I aught to be comfortable in my sexuality by now. But I’m not.
Can anyone relate or offer me any help please.
Thanks Kevin
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Post by chp842 on Nov 19, 2021 15:32:00 GMT
Hey Kevin,
I guess it's fear of the unknown!
It's odd, I feel the same way as you sometimes... Like you should be comfortable in your own sexuality... But alas these things are never simple...
I feel okay spending time with friends who I know to be gay, lesbian or bisexual! However if I ever run into anyone who presents as if they might be a lesbian, I become very anxiety ridden... only very recently though... in college I used to hang out with a lot of of lesbians... I never felt like I fit in with them... They were always cooler looking and cooler dressed than me... I They never fancied me either... Then again neither did the boys until I started dressing more feminine and less like a tomboy...
It's funny, traditionally people would come out and say that's it's because deep down, we know we're gay... Or atleast attracted to the same gender in some form... Whilst that might be true, I'm happy to keep living life one day at a time, trying not to let me head speak for my heart...
Identifying as a lesbian for me personally is too restrictive... I just have to overcome the something that doesn't feel right saying the word bisexual... It feels almost dirty and judgemental whereas gay and straight are very simple...
I like flirting with both men and women... It would also mean that I would have to get divorced ect... Which isn't ultimately what I want!
I hope this ramble helps in someway!
Thanks,
Michelle
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Post by Piltover on Nov 22, 2021 15:33:10 GMT
Hi lenno, Thanks so much for your post and welcome to the forums. It sounds like you might be experiencing some negative internalised feelings about your sexuality. I've also experienced the same thing on occasion when I catch myself having feelings about someone who I'm not sure is also queer and there's an uncomfortable feeling that accompanies it. Lots of us, myself included were told that there was something wrong with being gay or that it was used as an insult, and these kinds of things can stick with us as adults, even when we've acknowledged our own sexuality and it seems like we've moved forward with our lives. There is no set time when you should be entirely comfortable with your sexuality - it happens at different rates for everyone and in some way, many of us are always in conversation with our younger selves, trying to quieten some of the voices we internalised as kids. Try not to worry or put pressure on yourself. Also, there are lots of people and organisations out there that you can talk to, and might help you be able to start feeling more comfortable. Below I'm going to link to some organisations that you might feel helpful: Switchboard - The country's longest running LGBTQ+ helpline. They'd be glad to talk with you about how you're feeling and might be able to direct you to other places you can get support. You can call them on 0300 330 0630, 10am - 10pm, or talk via webchat at switchboard.lgbt/, or email chris@switchboard@lgbt. ELOP - ELOP provides the largest online LGBTQ+ specific therapy service in the UK. Maybe talking to a counsellor for a little while could help you process your feelings? They're a great organisation and all the therapists are queer. www.elop.org/Most of all be kind to yourself, and try not to put too much pressure on what you should feel. Please do let us know how you're getting on. Justin |
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