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Post by harryh on Mar 6, 2019 17:44:12 GMT
Hi.
Sorry for such a negative post for my first post but on Monday I got so low that I thought about killing myself. It's the first time in a long time I've thought about it. For as long as I can remember I have felt sad. I don't like being gay and wish I was straight. I hate myself and the older I get the worse this feeling becomes. I turned 18 a couple of months and I still live at home with my parents. They don't know I'm gay. Nobody does. I live anout 50 miles away from a big city and there is no support for me here. I feel isolated and I can't see a future for myself. How can I stop feeling like this?
Please help me if you can.
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Post by Rasher on Mar 7, 2019 13:10:46 GMT
Hi Harry.
I'm so sorry to hear that you feel like this. Please be aware you are not alone and many of the people who will read your post will feel the same. But we are all in this together and I hope we can help you here.
First if you feel like your life is in danger please call 999 immediately and tell them how you feel. If you are close to an A&E go there and tell them. You will be met with people who know how to help.
If you need to talk to someone now, call:
Samaritans: 116 123, available to listen and talk, non-judgementally about anything you want. You don't need to be suicidal to call. Open 24/7, 365 days a year.
Emergency Services: 999, in the case of a medical emergency, or if you fear for your own well-being or safety, call and ask for an ambulance.
If you'd rather talk to someone who is LGBTQ+, then it's best to call Switchboard. It's a helpline for run by LGBTQ+ volunteers and it's been going for decades. They can listen to your thoughts and feelings, and possibly direct you somewhere that can help. It's a really great service and you might find that talking to another LGBTQ+ person provides some relief. Call them on 0300 330 0630 from 10am - 10pm. They also intermittently run a web chat service if that's more your thing: switchboard.lgbt/
Many who feel like you try and find small things to focus on. Can I ask what do you do then you feel down?
Do you have any friends or external family members you trust to talk to?
Do you have a teacher/lecture/work colleague you trust?
Talking to someone you trust about how you feel will help. We also recommend that you talk to other gay men about how you feel. Hopefully some of our users can help too.
Have you tried talking to other gay men?
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Post by harryh on Mar 7, 2019 16:47:49 GMT
Thank you.
I have tried talking with gay men on apps but they just want sex. When I try and talk about how I feel they go silent. I guess people don't want to talk about it.
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Post by debbiedowner99 on Mar 10, 2019 2:04:31 GMT
Don't worry, Harry. It's the same with lesbians on apps. But that's not what they are for. Are there any IRL groups you can attend?
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Post by harryh on Mar 11, 2019 16:30:23 GMT
I'm not sure what's near me. i can get to Manchester probably once a month but that's about it. And I'm normally with someone so won't be able to leave. I wish there was something closer to me that I could attend. FML
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Post by lynn84 on Mar 13, 2019 2:11:36 GMT
Sorry, Harry. I feel so bad for you. I wish I could help. I hate the phrase 't gets better' but it does. What worries you now won't do so in 10 years time. But I know that sounds patronising. Sorry again I can't be helpful.
Lynn x
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Post by dannylondon87 on Mar 16, 2019 2:47:31 GMT
Oh fuck Harry. Shit, are we allowed to curse on here? Sorry.
I was there. I wore the tee. BUt it wasn't until I met real gay people that my life changed for the better. Please try and reach out to other gay men outside of gay apps if you can. As soon as you meet 'real gays' your life will change for the better.
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Post by debbiedowner99 on Mar 18, 2019 16:15:50 GMT
Harry have you thought about talking to someone? I just started counselling via the phone. It's already helped me so much.
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Post by eric1990 on Mar 25, 2019 1:44:15 GMT
Hi Harry. I'm so sorry to hear you feel that way. TBH I have felt like that too. I'm 29 and still not out to my family. I think it's down to feeling shameful of being gay. In many ways I'm in a similar situation to you. Only a few people know that I'm gay. The idea of everyone knowing scares me. I haven't learned to accept myself yet. I don't know how I can help but I want you to know you're not the only one going through these feelings.
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Post by harryh on Mar 27, 2019 14:13:15 GMT
Thank you, Eric.
I'm feeling better about my situation. Some days are a struggle other days are better but I'm having more better days than bad ones.
@debbie, I have thought about it but the idea of someone seeing my face and knowing I'm gay fills me with anxiety. I'm just not ready for that.
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