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Post by weebinquestion on Mar 20, 2022 21:44:32 GMT
I am here because I'm not sure about my sexuality. I'm not sure if I've had romantic or sexual feelings for anyone (Or if I've had them and not known if they were it) I might have had something in my childhood but that possibly could be distorted childhood memory. I masturbate to porn and it does help with the process and I have preferences in it but I can't tell if that is an actual sexual attraction or that's just the body reacting normally. to the stimuli like how erections are natural. I just don't "feel" anything in that field. I also imagine some people in the nude but I'm not sure if that's due to sexual attraction or side effect of the porn. I also currently think that I would be capable of living with someone and doing basic physical intimacy things(hugs , hand holding, laying next to each other, etc.) but I'm not sure about the feeling
I've also recently learned of the term demisexual and I've been wondering if that I just haven't found the right person
though I'm not sure I've made an emotional connection to anyone(or at least none come to mind now)
basically I can't tell if I'm
Aro/Ace
Aro/demisexual
Demiromantic(if that's a term)/demisexual
other possible combinations
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Post by Sunflower on Mar 21, 2022 10:41:31 GMT
Hello there, Thank you for reaching out. Firstly, it's okay to be unsure about your sexuality. There are so many terms and ways to identify, it can be overwhelming to try and figure out where you fit in. It's also completely valid to feel that more than one term feels like it fits as sexuality can be fluid. Your capacity for attraction is not set in stone, these feelings can shift over time. I think in order to understand your feelings, it's necessary to differentiate between libido, sexual desire and sexual attraction. Libido involves wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. Sexual desire refers to the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else. These are both different from sexual attraction which involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them. Many asexual people still have a libido, they might experience sexual desire and fantasies. So imagining people in the nude might be attributed to sexual desire as opposed to sexual attraction. Asexual people might still masturbate or have sex. After all, sexuality doesn’t always mean someone doesn’t enjoy sex. It just means they don’t experience sexual attraction. Asexuality and aromanticism can often overlap as some asexual people have no interest in romantic relationships. What you described as doing 'basic physical intimacy things' might be describing a nonromantic relationship otherwise known as 'queerplatonic'. Though it doesn’t involve romance, people in a queerplatonic relationship are just as committed as those in a romantic relationship. On the other hand, some asexual people have romantic relationships. Whatever you feel and however intimate you want to be, remember that romance doesn’t have to involve sex, just as sex doesn’t require romance. If you want to read more, I found this incredibly detailed article about asexuality: What Is Asexuality?In terms of demisexuality, I can relate to these feelings. I haven't explored this as much as I'd like to, but I definitely find it hard to be intimate with anyone who I haven't connected with emotionally. This is made especially difficult when I'm not sure if I have ever truly connected to someone emotionally. It could be that we haven't found the right person to share that connection with or it could be a result of being demisexual. Either way, it's okay to take it slow on this journey of self-discovery, we don't have to have it all figured out immediately. There's no pressure to find a label and stick to it and there should be no pressure to provide an explanation for your feelings to anyone. Whatever you feel is valid and sometimes it is okay if for now there is no clear explanation, after all, there are limitless combinations and sexuality is a spectrum. If you want to read more on demisexuality and demiromanticism, check out this article. I think it would be helpful to speak to others who identify with these orientations. Connecting to people who have these lived experiences can help you gain some insight into your own feelings. AVEN (Asexuality Visibility & Education Network) has great resources and forums if you have further questions about asexuality and aromanticism or just need some support. There’s an awesome Glamour article by activist Yasmin Benoit talking about their experience with asexuality and aromanticism. Switchboard is also a great resource if you are questioning your romantic or sexual orientation. You can visit their website or call at 0300 330 0630. Asexuality New Zealand Trust also has great resources. There are also fantastic resources on the LGBT HERO website: What Is Asexuality?
What Are Romantic Orientations?I hope these resources help you to feel more at peace with your feelings. With kindness, River |
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