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Post by eric1990 on Mar 25, 2019 1:41:40 GMT
Hi
My name is Eric and I'm a 29 year old gay man who is not out to his family. Over the last year I've felt the time is right to tell them but I just don't know where to start. They don't know I'm gay. They are always asking about girlfriends but I just casually bypass those questions. My close friends know but that's it. Do you guys have any advice for someone like me? What should I do?
Thanks
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Post by simonjr on Apr 14, 2019 19:04:25 GMT
Hi Eric. I feel your pain there. It can be very hard to break the ice like that. For me I told my mother and father in floods of tears when I was 16. You can never be sure what the reaction is going to be. Being Christian fundamentalists it was never going to be easy. They actually kind of laughed and told me that lots of teens go through same sex attraction and that I would 'grow out of it'! When I was 21 I told them that I hadn't - that was met with anger from my father and tears from my mother. I think for me, though, being honest is very important to me, and so despite the difficulties it was a relief. It depends so much on the kind of person you are.
At the end of the day, it really is up to you and what you feel comfortable saying and when you say it. It may be best to play safe and keep quiet. After all it is your private life. Looking back, I think I might have benefitted from having a gay friendly friend with me for moral support but who knows.
Do your parents speak at all about the subject and what do they say?
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Post by Piltover on Apr 15, 2019 10:06:27 GMT
Hi Eric, First off I'd like to apologise for the late response. This one must have slipped through the net somehow as we always make sure to respond to the beginning of every single thread! I'm Justin, a member of the OutLife support time. Nice to e-meet you  Your situation is a really common one, and one that the vast majority of us can relate to. I remember the time when I was out to friends and not my family. It can be super challenging when they're talking about girlfriends and make you really uncomfortable. My parents did that, even though my step-mother confessed afterwards that she'd always had an inkling I was different. It may be the same for you. What's great to hear is that you feel you're ready to come out, as this is the most important factor in whether you should do it. It should absolutely be on your terms, when you feel it's right for you. Thankfully millions of people have been through this process before, so there are plenty of resources out there you can consult. These won't tell you 'the best way to come out' because there is no such thing. It all depends on the individual and their circumstances. Below I'm going to link to some resources which may you help you think about how you'd like to come out: - Stonewall has a great coming out guide, especially if you're worried about what your parents may think: "Your parents might be shocked, worried or find it difficult to accept at first. Remember, their first reaction isn’t necessarily how they’ll feel forever. They might just need a bit of time to process what you’ve told them. The thing most parents worry about is that their children are happy!" www.stonewall.org.uk/sites/default/files/coming_out.pdf- A great way to feel less nervous about coming out is to read other people's stories about how they came out. RUComingOut has a great library of coming out stories from people all over the world, some of which are in video format. Have a look and you might find some great advice too: www.rucomingout.com/stories.html- If you'd like to talk about coming out with someone who is LGBTQ+, then call Switchboard, a service run by LGBTQ+ volunteers. They'll gladly talk to you about coming out to your parents. 0300 330 0630 10am - 10pm. - The Albert Kennedy Trust also has a great set of information for people looking to come out. It covers lots of bases, including what you could say, when you could say it, and where you can seek support if things don't go as you had planned: "It might be easier to talk to a relative or family friend first, either for advice about how to tell your parents, or for help in telling them. By making these decisions, you are bringing under control some of the difficulties you might have been worrying about." www.akt.org.uk/Handlers/Download.ashx?IDMF=7af8ea5b-2ce5-45af-aa44-7719c6f30fe6There are lots more resources out there but I don't want to overload you! When I came out, I chose to write my parents a letter, and give it to them before they went out for a drive. It allowed me to get my message across in an organised and composed way without worrying about being too nervous face to face. Take some time to decide what approach would suit you the best. If you've got any more questions, concerns, or just want to give us an update on how everything is going, then please post again! All the best, Justin |
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