Post by denyz on Mar 28, 2022 19:40:30 GMT
Hi
I think I feel a little burned out about my sexuality and I thought if I could write how I feel about my sexuality in a forum like this I thought maybe the burned out emotions I was holding on to would start to heal.
I'm not a native speaker. But I think I know enough to explain myself. So, sorry if I make some mistakes.
So, I'm non-binary and I'm both sexually and romantically attracted to men. Since kindergarten I had had a lot of crsuhes. Like, a lot. Well, I wasn't very aware of my feelings tho until my freshman year. I felt at ease you know, aftwr figuring out who I was sexually and romantically attracted to. That was a turning point somehow for me.
First couple months were cool. Like I discovered a lot. My identity and stuff. Things were... difficult when sophomore year started. I had a crush on a guy at school. Like, for a month.
Later, my crush for him started to fade. With my heart a little broken, I started to like another guy, again, he was at my school too. Like after a month or so pandemic started and you know, online classes started and beacause my second crush and I weren't classmates I never had a chance to see him.
Summer break started. For three months I cannot remember what I did. But I did know that somehow my second crush did become a burden to me. Like the first one. I thought I was ugly. I thought like "Why would a man would want to be with me." I was weird, like I was liking guys. At that point at my life tho I was identifying as a male. So, i don't have to explain society's thought about mlm people.
So, Junior year started, had 3 crushes. Junior year ended and while we were in summer break my burden grew a lot. My attraction to males were... kinda starting to feel weird. I wanted to throw up when I feel like I was starting to have feelings for another guys.I think it became a burden for me.
Now i am in senior year and i had only 1 crush. After that... I don't know what left inside of me. What kind of attraction that I hold on to. Like, I sometimes I find men attractive but started to mostly not. So many things about men right now disgusts me. Because I liked so many things about them but it turned out to nothing.
I'm struggling to imagine romantic scenerios in my mind about men. It feels impossible at some point. Like I can't think that I can reach their hands to hold them. Or I can't hug them. Can't imagine myself lying two of us on the ground and watching the stars from the meadows. I... don't know anymore whether these feeling i had once will cherish and nourish again and blossom into something meaningful. I tried to fill my own cup. Since... months, I guess. It's better. But my attraction to males like, I can't imagine any romantic and sometimes even sexual things with men.
Thanks, for reading it.
I think I feel a little burned out about my sexuality and I thought if I could write how I feel about my sexuality in a forum like this I thought maybe the burned out emotions I was holding on to would start to heal.
I'm not a native speaker. But I think I know enough to explain myself. So, sorry if I make some mistakes.
So, I'm non-binary and I'm both sexually and romantically attracted to men. Since kindergarten I had had a lot of crsuhes. Like, a lot. Well, I wasn't very aware of my feelings tho until my freshman year. I felt at ease you know, aftwr figuring out who I was sexually and romantically attracted to. That was a turning point somehow for me.
First couple months were cool. Like I discovered a lot. My identity and stuff. Things were... difficult when sophomore year started. I had a crush on a guy at school. Like, for a month.
Later, my crush for him started to fade. With my heart a little broken, I started to like another guy, again, he was at my school too. Like after a month or so pandemic started and you know, online classes started and beacause my second crush and I weren't classmates I never had a chance to see him.
Summer break started. For three months I cannot remember what I did. But I did know that somehow my second crush did become a burden to me. Like the first one. I thought I was ugly. I thought like "Why would a man would want to be with me." I was weird, like I was liking guys. At that point at my life tho I was identifying as a male. So, i don't have to explain society's thought about mlm people.
So, Junior year started, had 3 crushes. Junior year ended and while we were in summer break my burden grew a lot. My attraction to males were... kinda starting to feel weird. I wanted to throw up when I feel like I was starting to have feelings for another guys.I think it became a burden for me.
Now i am in senior year and i had only 1 crush. After that... I don't know what left inside of me. What kind of attraction that I hold on to. Like, I sometimes I find men attractive but started to mostly not. So many things about men right now disgusts me. Because I liked so many things about them but it turned out to nothing.
I'm struggling to imagine romantic scenerios in my mind about men. It feels impossible at some point. Like I can't think that I can reach their hands to hold them. Or I can't hug them. Can't imagine myself lying two of us on the ground and watching the stars from the meadows. I... don't know anymore whether these feeling i had once will cherish and nourish again and blossom into something meaningful. I tried to fill my own cup. Since... months, I guess. It's better. But my attraction to males like, I can't imagine any romantic and sometimes even sexual things with men.
Thanks, for reading it.