Post by happysmileybird on Mar 31, 2022 14:36:28 GMT
Hi I really hope you can all help me. And please don't think that I am naive or stupid or can't see the truth I'm just really confused.
I am a straight female who is very adventurous and tolerant and I started dating a guy about 2 years ago who initially told me that he liked to crossdress but it was just a very small part of his life and he liked the feeling of wearing clothes as it reminded him of his mother who he had very poor relationship with. He said that he initially started dressing because it made him feel safe and he dressed in her clothes and it reminded him of her. To start with I wasn't always comfortable as I couldn't get away from the fact he looked odd in female clothes (please don't be offended). Carried on with it and discovered that I didn't mind playing dress up. Unfortunately it turned out that this was not the whole picture. I discovered that he was active on a transvestite hookup site and had a video of him masturbating. Initially he claimed that he thought it was a hookup site for women and he accidentally clicked on looking for men. I didn't really believe him but but to be honest I was quite in shock and the video traumatised me. I still have flashbacks of it now. He was wearing a long nightgown .. reading all the comments underneath.. really did upset me. But I tried to move on. Since then I have found out that he had come out to his mother in a series of very intimate and sexually charged emails in which he discussed having oral sex with men and how turned on he was by listening to her have sex with her boyfriend and how he he fantasized about wearing her underwear. She sent him photos of hers.
In those emails he declared that he was bisexual and his previous partner was aware of it. He also went into lengthy details about meeting strangers in lifts and going back to their rooms and of going out dressed as his alter-ego. When I asked him about it and begged him to tell me the truth he claimed that it was all fantasy and that he had had a couple of threesomes with a man dressed up in female clothes but it was just fantasy and he wasn't bisexual. You did have full penetrative sex and also performed oral sex on the gentleman.
Unfortunately since then I have discovered that he is still signed into a number of sites although he claims he hasn't been on them but there is no way of me knowing. I also discovered not long after we were together when we had an argument that he had been paying prostitutes to come over that he could masturbate on, and that he was still sending photographs of himself in nighties etc to ex-girlfriends, and that he had previously signed himself up to a male escort site called Cavendish Knights. He swears that it was just for the money and he never went through with it it and it was for sex with women not men.
Last night I found yet another site that he was still signed up to. Although this one did at least show the joining date of 10 years ago. I couldn't see much on it because he had changed his membership from Premier to normal so some of the stuff was shaded out but I can see a lot of messages asking to meet up with men albeit from years ago. But the things that has thrown me the most is that he described himself as transgender. Please understand that as a person I have absolutely no issue at all and at most respect for people to choose whatever sexuality they are. My point is that he will not talk to me about his past he just shoutss and says it's his past and he is ashamed and he doesn't want to talk about it because he did it with his previous partner as a fantasy and he was an alcoholic at the time, he no no longer drinks to that extent and does not wish to be involved in that life Style. He says that he got caught up in things and with the drink and her and became something he wasn't.
I would truly love to believe that he could turn off the sexual attractions but I don't know if he can.
Again please don't believe that I have any issue with him being sexually attracted to men what I have an issue with his him pretending that he no longer does or that it was just a phase. By the way the phase started in 2008 and finished when I discovered his last online acc in 2019. There may well be others he claims he's forgotten that he signed up to. Since I have been with him he claims that he has not been on any sites and is not sexually attracted to men only likes to wear female clothes which I don't have an issue with. It's all the other stuff regarding the the transgender and bisexual that I really don't know where I stand. I feel like he's making a fool out of me by not being honest.
I can't talk to anyone else and I truly don't know if somebody could go through a fantasy or a phase and behave like that and not be classed as bisexual. Surely with all the evidence he must at least be bisexual. I tried to talk it over with a friend once who was gay who suggested that that there are a lot of straight men who by dressing up as women then having sex with men makes it less 'serious ' That they use it as a front. I'm sorry if this sounds really muddled but I am at my wits end I really do love him it's just that I think he is is feeding me a lie and I'm going to get very hurt more so then I have done already.
I am a straight female who is very adventurous and tolerant and I started dating a guy about 2 years ago who initially told me that he liked to crossdress but it was just a very small part of his life and he liked the feeling of wearing clothes as it reminded him of his mother who he had very poor relationship with. He said that he initially started dressing because it made him feel safe and he dressed in her clothes and it reminded him of her. To start with I wasn't always comfortable as I couldn't get away from the fact he looked odd in female clothes (please don't be offended). Carried on with it and discovered that I didn't mind playing dress up. Unfortunately it turned out that this was not the whole picture. I discovered that he was active on a transvestite hookup site and had a video of him masturbating. Initially he claimed that he thought it was a hookup site for women and he accidentally clicked on looking for men. I didn't really believe him but but to be honest I was quite in shock and the video traumatised me. I still have flashbacks of it now. He was wearing a long nightgown .. reading all the comments underneath.. really did upset me. But I tried to move on. Since then I have found out that he had come out to his mother in a series of very intimate and sexually charged emails in which he discussed having oral sex with men and how turned on he was by listening to her have sex with her boyfriend and how he he fantasized about wearing her underwear. She sent him photos of hers.
In those emails he declared that he was bisexual and his previous partner was aware of it. He also went into lengthy details about meeting strangers in lifts and going back to their rooms and of going out dressed as his alter-ego. When I asked him about it and begged him to tell me the truth he claimed that it was all fantasy and that he had had a couple of threesomes with a man dressed up in female clothes but it was just fantasy and he wasn't bisexual. You did have full penetrative sex and also performed oral sex on the gentleman.
Unfortunately since then I have discovered that he is still signed into a number of sites although he claims he hasn't been on them but there is no way of me knowing. I also discovered not long after we were together when we had an argument that he had been paying prostitutes to come over that he could masturbate on, and that he was still sending photographs of himself in nighties etc to ex-girlfriends, and that he had previously signed himself up to a male escort site called Cavendish Knights. He swears that it was just for the money and he never went through with it it and it was for sex with women not men.
Last night I found yet another site that he was still signed up to. Although this one did at least show the joining date of 10 years ago. I couldn't see much on it because he had changed his membership from Premier to normal so some of the stuff was shaded out but I can see a lot of messages asking to meet up with men albeit from years ago. But the things that has thrown me the most is that he described himself as transgender. Please understand that as a person I have absolutely no issue at all and at most respect for people to choose whatever sexuality they are. My point is that he will not talk to me about his past he just shoutss and says it's his past and he is ashamed and he doesn't want to talk about it because he did it with his previous partner as a fantasy and he was an alcoholic at the time, he no no longer drinks to that extent and does not wish to be involved in that life Style. He says that he got caught up in things and with the drink and her and became something he wasn't.
I would truly love to believe that he could turn off the sexual attractions but I don't know if he can.
Again please don't believe that I have any issue with him being sexually attracted to men what I have an issue with his him pretending that he no longer does or that it was just a phase. By the way the phase started in 2008 and finished when I discovered his last online acc in 2019. There may well be others he claims he's forgotten that he signed up to. Since I have been with him he claims that he has not been on any sites and is not sexually attracted to men only likes to wear female clothes which I don't have an issue with. It's all the other stuff regarding the the transgender and bisexual that I really don't know where I stand. I feel like he's making a fool out of me by not being honest.
I can't talk to anyone else and I truly don't know if somebody could go through a fantasy or a phase and behave like that and not be classed as bisexual. Surely with all the evidence he must at least be bisexual. I tried to talk it over with a friend once who was gay who suggested that that there are a lot of straight men who by dressing up as women then having sex with men makes it less 'serious ' That they use it as a front. I'm sorry if this sounds really muddled but I am at my wits end I really do love him it's just that I think he is is feeding me a lie and I'm going to get very hurt more so then I have done already.
