Gender Questioning
May 27, 2022 15:18:05 GMT
Post by justjosh on May 27, 2022 15:18:05 GMT
Hi, first time posting but was hoping to get some advise as I'm currently going through a bit of a gender identity crisis and feeling a little stuck with what to do.
so I am 31, gay, male (soon to be married) though didn't come out until I was 20 as struggled to know what I wanted or was in denial. One thing that has always been stuck in my mind since pre teen is wanting to be female or at least some form of female. growing up I think I always told myself it was just a fetish or a nice fantasy and tried to put it at the back of my mind but its never gone away, occasionally cross dressing in secret but did very rarely as was always afraid of getting caught.
As things improved for me generally in life it feels like these thoughts have only got stronger and more intrusive especially the past years and they feel like they are starting to really boil over. I finally was able to tell my partner/fiancé I have these thoughts a couple of months ago. he's been amazing and super supportive but admits it does scare him, after all he is a gay man attracted to men.
I am really struggling to work out my gender, other than being attracted to guys I've never looked at one and thought I wish i look like that but i have always done that with women despite having no attraction to them. I've always hated my male body, hate looking at myself in the mirror or if I feel like I'm being stared at, especially general shape and body hair and have weighed 58kg up to 90kg muscles and none and never been happy with myself. I think I'm finally realizing this is because I don't feel comfortable with a male body and visualizing myself with a female form feels so much more positive. I have been experimenting with clothing, shape pads and makeup recently and its been making me feel really good doing it and I feel I have more connection to myself in the mirror but my body is giving me massive amounts of anxiety. all of this has of course lead me to think that I'm trans or non-binary as there are parts of transition that I don't think I care about like changing my name or gender officially and pronouns, though I think I have recently found they/them to be the most comfortable, the same goes for surgery as I don't think I have an issue with my genitalia just the rest of my body.
Going on HRT however is heavily on my mind as the changes from that are what I really want but I don't think I can have that without having to become 100% female hence feeling completely stuck and lately its really started to effect my mental health quite heavily. all I know is I don't feel male and feel like I'm closer to a form of non-binary than transgender but really struggling with gender dysphoria still.
It would be great to know if others have gone through this. can I go on HRT and still be non-binary or am I just not excepting part of myself through fear of having to fully change?
sorry if this seems like a massive unload but any help would be greatly appreciated.
so I am 31, gay, male (soon to be married) though didn't come out until I was 20 as struggled to know what I wanted or was in denial. One thing that has always been stuck in my mind since pre teen is wanting to be female or at least some form of female. growing up I think I always told myself it was just a fetish or a nice fantasy and tried to put it at the back of my mind but its never gone away, occasionally cross dressing in secret but did very rarely as was always afraid of getting caught.
As things improved for me generally in life it feels like these thoughts have only got stronger and more intrusive especially the past years and they feel like they are starting to really boil over. I finally was able to tell my partner/fiancé I have these thoughts a couple of months ago. he's been amazing and super supportive but admits it does scare him, after all he is a gay man attracted to men.
I am really struggling to work out my gender, other than being attracted to guys I've never looked at one and thought I wish i look like that but i have always done that with women despite having no attraction to them. I've always hated my male body, hate looking at myself in the mirror or if I feel like I'm being stared at, especially general shape and body hair and have weighed 58kg up to 90kg muscles and none and never been happy with myself. I think I'm finally realizing this is because I don't feel comfortable with a male body and visualizing myself with a female form feels so much more positive. I have been experimenting with clothing, shape pads and makeup recently and its been making me feel really good doing it and I feel I have more connection to myself in the mirror but my body is giving me massive amounts of anxiety. all of this has of course lead me to think that I'm trans or non-binary as there are parts of transition that I don't think I care about like changing my name or gender officially and pronouns, though I think I have recently found they/them to be the most comfortable, the same goes for surgery as I don't think I have an issue with my genitalia just the rest of my body.
Going on HRT however is heavily on my mind as the changes from that are what I really want but I don't think I can have that without having to become 100% female hence feeling completely stuck and lately its really started to effect my mental health quite heavily. all I know is I don't feel male and feel like I'm closer to a form of non-binary than transgender but really struggling with gender dysphoria still.
It would be great to know if others have gone through this. can I go on HRT and still be non-binary or am I just not excepting part of myself through fear of having to fully change?
sorry if this seems like a massive unload but any help would be greatly appreciated.
