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Post by caroline on Apr 30, 2019 19:43:11 GMT
Hi folks. I took the year out from college because I was failing, I couldn't keep up due to my poor mental health. I was happy to get time off so I could learn to cope with every day life but so far I've been at a standstill. It is really important to me and basically my dream to finish this degree. However I don't think I'll be prepared in time for September.
Where I'm at now, I'm doing well if I can get dressed and eat every day. I failed exams three semesters in a row, and I know myself I'm not ready to go back. Just thinking about having to deal with student grants and all the paper work gives me an anxiety attack. There's a lot I always wanted to achieve but realistically I don't think any of it is possible. I have barely any energy and I find it very hard to speak to people. There's no way I'd be able to wake up at 6AM every morning and go back to that complex academic environment, as well as work to pay my bills. I've pretty much given up any hope that I could go on to finish my STEM degree. I've tried really hard several times to work through any mental health issues I've had (meds, therapy, CBT, mindfulness, exercise, self help books, you name it) and every time I end up in the same place. It's been months since I took a break from university and I'm still at square one.
I'm already enlisted in the local mental health service and I've seen several people there but so far they mostly just look at me that they don't know what to do with me. The last time I saw a psychiatrist they told me basically that I wasn't trying hard enough and I was being too passive. That really hurt me. There is some truth in it of course, honestly I've given up on any chance of me getting better. Even if I hadn't, I'm still finding the MH service hard to navigate and don't really get on well with the people working there.
I've been in a long term relationship that's usually incredible but recently has been troubling me. I think it's nearing the end but again I don't know as I'm not in the best head space at the moment and have been pushing everyone away.
I'm not looking for any advice in particular, I think I just needed a vent, but I'm just not sure where to go from here. I still haven't had any official diagnosis so I'm kind of in limbo, as I'm still not really sure what's wrong with me.... Thanks to anyone who reads  |
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Post by Rasher on Apr 30, 2019 23:30:11 GMT
Hi Caroline. First of all thank you for sharing that. I hope you felt better after getting that all out. I know even just venting is self care in itself. And self care is a great step forward, why because it allow you to know that something is not going well and you know you need to do something. Letting off steam is a great away to do that. Feel free to vent here any time. There will be many people reading it who feel the same and know they are not alone. Did you know that most specialists would tell you that even just getting up in the morning and eating is something you should be celebrated. When life gets tough its the small successes that helps. I think it's the key to moving forward. Creating new goals and then celebrating them when you reach them should be celebrated. So maybe tomorrow instead of getting up and eating, you get up, eat and go for a 10 minute walk in a direction you don't normally go and when you come back you celebrate something new you have done in that day. Achieving a new goal will prove that you have the ability to move forward. You know the thing with counsellors is the exact same with relationships. There are many wonderful counsellors and psychiatrists out there but many of them would not be a fit for you. It's all about finding the right person who gets you. I actually think you might be a good candidate for video counselling that London Friend and ELOP will be launching in partnership with us soon. It allows you to connect with support that fits your needs and you can do this from your bedroom. If you stick with us we'll let you know when it's ready to go. In the meantime it might be good that when you're feeling like this you come back and vent. We're happy to listen here. But I just need to know that you are aware that if you are feeling like ending it, please call 999 immediately and tell them what you are feeling or if you are the energy to go to your nearest A&E please do. You'll be met with nothing but support. If you need to talk with anyone we recommend Switchboard on 0300 330 0630 or Samaritans on 116 123. Last thing I want to say is you should never feel like there is some sort of progress success timetable. You need to do this at your own place and allow yourself time, lots of time. Putting anxiety on yourself to go back into education will not help. When you're ready. You're ready. And that's OK. Here's a helpful article on OutLife that might help you understand anxiety a bit more www.outlife.org.uk/anxiety. Also Anxiety UK is a charity dedicated to helping those who experience anxiety. It offers text and telephone chat, as well as advice on therapy and crisis support. www.anxietyuk.org.uk. Hope some of that was helpful. Please talk with us whenever you want and hopefully some of our other community members can chip in if they have similar experiences. IH / OutLife. |
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Post by caroline on May 2, 2019 23:31:38 GMT
Thank you so much for the response. You're totally right that putting pressure on myself to go back to education isn't helping at all. I try make realistic goals, sometimes I meet them but when I don't it makes me feel even worse. I do think I find it hard to cope with failure and not doing the best I can at all times. I feel like I'm just wandering aimlessly to find solutions and I don't even know what's "helping" me or what progress even looks like at this point. It's so hard to see a positive outcome when you're in the thick of it.
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Post by debbiedowner99 on May 9, 2019 18:50:47 GMT
Hi Caroline! I love your avi!
I think what OutLife has said is right. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourself is not helpful. It's your life and if it takes you a little bit longer to get back on track isn't it worth taking that extra time rather then rushing it and starting all over again? But I know it's easier said than done.
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Post by lynn84 on May 9, 2019 20:29:27 GMT
Caroline, honey. I have never read something and thought that could be me talking. I know exactly what anxiety is and putting pressure on yourself to get better fast but I've learned that I need me time and that's ok. I think if you need to know that time is a healer and like Debbie said if you rush it you might make it worse. Take your time, hang out with us here and we'll all get there together.
xx
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Post by caroline on May 10, 2019 23:41:24 GMT
Hi Caroline! I love your avi! Thank you! I feel slightly more hopeful at this point and I’m doing a little better now. Things aren’t perfect but I think I’m heading in the right direction. I’m going to see if I can access a social worker via the local MH service to help me get back to education. I’ve also planned to meet with the disability and accessibility service in my college to see if I did come back, what options would be there for me so I can succeed. If I feel like I have enough support I will consider going back to college. I thought about it a lot and I’ve accepted if I can’t go back to college right away. However it really means a lot to me and it’s something I care about so I’m going to try everything I can for myself to get back. But instead of putting loads of pressure on myself I’m just going to try seek as much support as possible. Lynn, it’s really comforting to hear I’m not the only one going through this mess. Still feeling a lot of stress and anxiety about the decisions I’m facing but I think I can see some sort of end in sight. |
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Post by Piltover on Feb 3, 2020 19:15:40 GMT
Hi Caroline, how are you getting along?
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