Post by fancyfeet on Aug 1, 2022 22:25:25 GMT
I'm in my thirties. Recently out. Realized I was in love with a friend. We've been together less than a year now. All of it has been an amazing experience. I had identified as asexual previously because I was generally uninterested in men. Coming out, even just to myself initially, opened the flood gates on my sexuality. Intimacy feels right and natural now.
Problem is, my girlfriend has been hot and cold with me lately. We get along harmoniously, never butt heads, always seem to have fun, and share many similar interests. Our attraction was intense at first. Now she's on for two weeks then off for two weeks. It rips at my heart. For two weeks our world is vibrant and passionate, then for two weeks I am living with a strictly platonic friend.
We talk about it. Cry about it sometimes. She says she doesn't understand why it's happening. This journey is my decision of course, but I have so many questions...
When she's cold she reminds me of ME when I was dating men but had no attraction to them. I wonder if I'm just projecting? I find her unbelievably attractive, all the time. I can't imagine that feeling waxing and waning so easily, so it leaves me confused. We will have consistantly amazing intimacy and suddenly one day she's distant and hardly touches me for 10+ days straight. We used to say 'I love you' but that hasn't felt right since this started.
This timing is, yes, cyclic, but has unfortunately also coincided with high stress levels in her life. A perfect emotional storm? :/
I worry dating women will... Just be like this? I don't know how patient I should be. I see this potentially worth working through, but in the background I have so much passion in me that I have to suddenly bottle up. I am feeling swings of indignation; I know I'm worth loving, and I am ready and willing to love. I don't want to be pushed away like this for no reason. That's not a strictly sexual sentiment by any measure. Sharing touch is important to me, and her not wanting me to touch her in any way feels awful.
I guess I don't know what to expect. What if dating women is just this emotionally complex? What if I walk away, just to find the same pattern elsewhere? What if most women feel similar under stress? I worry about that. I myself have been like that in the past in hetero relationships when im stressed or unhappy.
I'm still in love. But it's now a fragile feeling. I don't know if any of this is normal?
Problem is, my girlfriend has been hot and cold with me lately. We get along harmoniously, never butt heads, always seem to have fun, and share many similar interests. Our attraction was intense at first. Now she's on for two weeks then off for two weeks. It rips at my heart. For two weeks our world is vibrant and passionate, then for two weeks I am living with a strictly platonic friend.
We talk about it. Cry about it sometimes. She says she doesn't understand why it's happening. This journey is my decision of course, but I have so many questions...
When she's cold she reminds me of ME when I was dating men but had no attraction to them. I wonder if I'm just projecting? I find her unbelievably attractive, all the time. I can't imagine that feeling waxing and waning so easily, so it leaves me confused. We will have consistantly amazing intimacy and suddenly one day she's distant and hardly touches me for 10+ days straight. We used to say 'I love you' but that hasn't felt right since this started.
This timing is, yes, cyclic, but has unfortunately also coincided with high stress levels in her life. A perfect emotional storm? :/
I worry dating women will... Just be like this? I don't know how patient I should be. I see this potentially worth working through, but in the background I have so much passion in me that I have to suddenly bottle up. I am feeling swings of indignation; I know I'm worth loving, and I am ready and willing to love. I don't want to be pushed away like this for no reason. That's not a strictly sexual sentiment by any measure. Sharing touch is important to me, and her not wanting me to touch her in any way feels awful.
I guess I don't know what to expect. What if dating women is just this emotionally complex? What if I walk away, just to find the same pattern elsewhere? What if most women feel similar under stress? I worry about that. I myself have been like that in the past in hetero relationships when im stressed or unhappy.
I'm still in love. But it's now a fragile feeling. I don't know if any of this is normal?
