Being gay has ruined my self-worth and livlihood
Sept 22, 2022 2:06:13 GMT
Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2022 2:06:13 GMT
Hi,
I want to preface this by saying I'm 30 and on the brink of a major change.
When I was 14 I was outed at school by one of my (at the time) best friends which caused issues and ended up with me being punched to the ground and me dropping out of school. I found no support among other gay people even when attending an LGBT group soon after, it had an atmosphere of "if we don't know you we don't want to now you". There was a trans person who joined and they were treated very much the same. It wasn't welcoming at all.
As I got into my teens and 20's I suffered majorly with self-esteem issues and clearly others could see this because guys weren't interested (I also put this down to the fact I've never been an attitude on legs, which many gay guys mindlessly chase after).
The fact my confidence has held me back and that I have been overlooked is one thing, but the fact I've never witnessed or experienced support or credit where it would be needed is what over time made me take a step back and realize something is wrong. When I say I've never witnessed or experienced... I mean looking back on my 16 years being out as gay I have never seen a gay person be supportive or credit another gay person in times where homophobia is present. It all so superficial, self-absorbed and disappointing.
Like I said I am now 30, conventionally good looking with ex-twink looks, but I can only count the amount of relationships and sexual encounters I've had on one hand and I've never been given the chance to delve into any of my fantasies. Is this normal for someone who looks good and has a modest personality in the gay world?
Thanks.
I want to preface this by saying I'm 30 and on the brink of a major change.
When I was 14 I was outed at school by one of my (at the time) best friends which caused issues and ended up with me being punched to the ground and me dropping out of school. I found no support among other gay people even when attending an LGBT group soon after, it had an atmosphere of "if we don't know you we don't want to now you". There was a trans person who joined and they were treated very much the same. It wasn't welcoming at all.
As I got into my teens and 20's I suffered majorly with self-esteem issues and clearly others could see this because guys weren't interested (I also put this down to the fact I've never been an attitude on legs, which many gay guys mindlessly chase after).
The fact my confidence has held me back and that I have been overlooked is one thing, but the fact I've never witnessed or experienced support or credit where it would be needed is what over time made me take a step back and realize something is wrong. When I say I've never witnessed or experienced... I mean looking back on my 16 years being out as gay I have never seen a gay person be supportive or credit another gay person in times where homophobia is present. It all so superficial, self-absorbed and disappointing.
Like I said I am now 30, conventionally good looking with ex-twink looks, but I can only count the amount of relationships and sexual encounters I've had on one hand and I've never been given the chance to delve into any of my fantasies. Is this normal for someone who looks good and has a modest personality in the gay world?
Thanks.
