Need more help with exploration.
Nov 10, 2022 12:03:59 GMT
Post by james on Nov 10, 2022 12:03:59 GMT
Has I've already introduced myself elsewhere on here I thought I might now tell everyone why I came here.
I have been recently starting to question my gender identity. I have been thinking and researching information but I feel that I need more help.
I have been mostly interested and attracted to women mostly through my adult life but a few years ago I saw a (then) woman and I became immediately attracted to her.
I didn't expect that to happen but when I saw her I just became so deeply smitten with her and found her to be so beautiful in my eyes. I have experienced these kinds of feelings before so I very much recognised them, but I never told anyone about them.
For the next few years I followed her and her life from a discrete distance. I was rather infatuated with her-although I made sure no one actually knew-and felt such a strong yearning for her inside me.
But all this changed a few years ago. Without any expectation from me this women announced that she was transgender, identify as male. I was very much surprised and a little shocked because for me it was so unexpected.
I felt rather confused and uncertain at first, it was such a big change and totally unexpected. Over time I began to feel angry and upset, but not entirely sure why. Up until then I have had almost no experience in regards to transgender people so I was unsure how to respond or how I should have felt. I felt confused by what was happening to this person, like the woman I liked was ‘going away’ and I was ‘losing’ that person. This was a very troubling time for me.
(please excuse the use of female pronouns up to this point. It was not meant to be disrespectful but I couldn't think of any other way to describe what I was trying to say).
Then one day I saw the first picture of them after their full transition into a male, and although I still felt sad, angry and confused by this, these feelings slowly began to ease up the more pictures I saw of them, especially online.
But the more I became adjusted to his new identity and name I began to realise that that attraction I had towards them hadn’t fully gone away like I feared it would, and that I would lose the pleasantness and joy of that experience.
More to the point I actually began to realise that that big crush I had on them pre-transition was actually still pretty strong.
It’s been almost three years since they announced they were transgender and since them I have become accustomed to seeing them living their new life as their true identity. I am now accustomed to seeing them and have also become accustomed to using their name.
But I would like to now come to the important reason why I have now started asking for people's opinions on this.
You see this person has now fully transitioned from female-to-male with a new male identity and yet over time I have begun to realise that I STILL have such a strong attraction to them in their male identity.
I look at pictures of them as a man and still feel the same deep longing that I did long before. I feel so drawn to this transgender man like I did years ago. I can look at pictures of him and still see the same beauty and appeal as before.
To me I can now see no real distinction between before and after his ftm transition. Now I can look at old and new pictures and in my mind I can still be the same person. It feels as if my mind is superimposing an old image of him over the new him and I can not see any difference between the two, to me they are simply the same person.
Not only have those deep emotions still remained but over some time now I’ve begun to realise that they might actually have started to evolve.
I can now look at him and realise that I still find him beautiful. I find myself so intrigued by him, and when I saw the topless picture he posted after completing his transition he had such a buff, toned body I felt the same sense of enthralment in that moment then what I felt when I saw them for the first time before transitioning, or even announcing that they were transgender.
I can now still feel a sense of longing for them-although I have never said anything to anyone about this. I’ve even had fantasies about what it would be like to be with him, and although they are not gratuitous they do feel somewhat romantic. I can imagine being with him, hugging and even giving him a kiss.
I’ve been doing research into this and although I’m convinced that this could mean that I’m at least bicurious I feel that I do need more information.
After all the research I think I may have two possibilities and I want your honest opinion on them.
If I am a man and I am attracted to a transgender man, and transgender men are considered men, then it could mean that I am Bisexual.
But also I’ve realised that if I can be attracted to him BEFORE and AFTER, that I can compare the two different stages and feel the same looking at him as a man in the same way might make me Pansexual.
I am now getting to the stage where I am becoming increasingly certain that I may be at least one of the two but I am still not entirely sure. I’ve discovered that both terms are collective to each other to a certain degree but I am becoming increasingly intrigued as to why this is.
I have been recently starting to question my gender identity. I have been thinking and researching information but I feel that I need more help.
I have been mostly interested and attracted to women mostly through my adult life but a few years ago I saw a (then) woman and I became immediately attracted to her.
I didn't expect that to happen but when I saw her I just became so deeply smitten with her and found her to be so beautiful in my eyes. I have experienced these kinds of feelings before so I very much recognised them, but I never told anyone about them.
For the next few years I followed her and her life from a discrete distance. I was rather infatuated with her-although I made sure no one actually knew-and felt such a strong yearning for her inside me.
But all this changed a few years ago. Without any expectation from me this women announced that she was transgender, identify as male. I was very much surprised and a little shocked because for me it was so unexpected.
I felt rather confused and uncertain at first, it was such a big change and totally unexpected. Over time I began to feel angry and upset, but not entirely sure why. Up until then I have had almost no experience in regards to transgender people so I was unsure how to respond or how I should have felt. I felt confused by what was happening to this person, like the woman I liked was ‘going away’ and I was ‘losing’ that person. This was a very troubling time for me.
(please excuse the use of female pronouns up to this point. It was not meant to be disrespectful but I couldn't think of any other way to describe what I was trying to say).
Then one day I saw the first picture of them after their full transition into a male, and although I still felt sad, angry and confused by this, these feelings slowly began to ease up the more pictures I saw of them, especially online.
But the more I became adjusted to his new identity and name I began to realise that that attraction I had towards them hadn’t fully gone away like I feared it would, and that I would lose the pleasantness and joy of that experience.
More to the point I actually began to realise that that big crush I had on them pre-transition was actually still pretty strong.
It’s been almost three years since they announced they were transgender and since them I have become accustomed to seeing them living their new life as their true identity. I am now accustomed to seeing them and have also become accustomed to using their name.
But I would like to now come to the important reason why I have now started asking for people's opinions on this.
You see this person has now fully transitioned from female-to-male with a new male identity and yet over time I have begun to realise that I STILL have such a strong attraction to them in their male identity.
I look at pictures of them as a man and still feel the same deep longing that I did long before. I feel so drawn to this transgender man like I did years ago. I can look at pictures of him and still see the same beauty and appeal as before.
To me I can now see no real distinction between before and after his ftm transition. Now I can look at old and new pictures and in my mind I can still be the same person. It feels as if my mind is superimposing an old image of him over the new him and I can not see any difference between the two, to me they are simply the same person.
Not only have those deep emotions still remained but over some time now I’ve begun to realise that they might actually have started to evolve.
I can now look at him and realise that I still find him beautiful. I find myself so intrigued by him, and when I saw the topless picture he posted after completing his transition he had such a buff, toned body I felt the same sense of enthralment in that moment then what I felt when I saw them for the first time before transitioning, or even announcing that they were transgender.
I can now still feel a sense of longing for them-although I have never said anything to anyone about this. I’ve even had fantasies about what it would be like to be with him, and although they are not gratuitous they do feel somewhat romantic. I can imagine being with him, hugging and even giving him a kiss.
I’ve been doing research into this and although I’m convinced that this could mean that I’m at least bicurious I feel that I do need more information.
After all the research I think I may have two possibilities and I want your honest opinion on them.
If I am a man and I am attracted to a transgender man, and transgender men are considered men, then it could mean that I am Bisexual.
But also I’ve realised that if I can be attracted to him BEFORE and AFTER, that I can compare the two different stages and feel the same looking at him as a man in the same way might make me Pansexual.
I am now getting to the stage where I am becoming increasingly certain that I may be at least one of the two but I am still not entirely sure. I’ve discovered that both terms are collective to each other to a certain degree but I am becoming increasingly intrigued as to why this is.
