How do you know if it's real?

How do you know if it's real? Mar 31, 2023 21:19:21 GMT via mobile

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Post by vikki on Mar 31, 2023 21:19:21 GMT

I grew up with LGBT not really being a thing. If it was brought up, it would be negative/used as an insult.

I ended up dating and remaining with my childhood friend. We were together 18years. I am not be a very social person so don't know many people.

I met a lady in Nov 21 and I felt a vibe with her I couldn't explain. I saw her due to her job and had the impression that she liked me.
I was always disappointed that she would not be able to remain in contact due to her job role.
Plus I was with my male partner... So nothing was going to happen.

Last summer I couldn't resist communicating with her via her work email. She never shut me down and responded with updates.
By Christmas last year I was smitten with her and emailed her compliments.

She was off over Xmas due to a operation. Looking back I had such a massive crush. So many signs I didn't realise I did. I missed her like crazy. She contacted me for an update... I explained the situation, how I didn't want to be with my male partner any longer for various reasons and told her I missed her too.

She invited me to coffee... It's not usual for her job. We spoke about more personal things like a date... 🤔
She was different, more relaxed and not how she was while doing her job role. I really wanted to hug her but couldn't. I have been compelled to touch her but I can't. She touched my arm once.

I made her a gift and said it was up to her of she wanted to accept it as her job role could prevent this.
She accepted it. It was a cushion with a teddy hugging a heart. I asked her for a hug and she agreed. It was nice. She then went in for a second hug soon after.

I emailed her an update and how I have separated from my male partner etc. I asked her to stay on touch as she has my number.

She replied saying she couldn't stay in touch due to her job. But if we bumped into each other she would say hi, chat.

I still like her... Everyone I have mentioned her to says to forget her.
Is it just her...?

How do you know? How do I know it wasn't a phase?

Do you think she was messing with me? Should I wait and bump into her or let her go?

How do you know if it's real? Apr 27, 2023 17:35:11 GMT

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Post by morejoy on Apr 27, 2023 17:35:11 GMT

Hi Vikki!

Thanks for your post and for being open on here! It can be really hard to talk about things like this, so make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for opening up

It sounds like this situation has been pretty confusing. Realizing your feelings for this lady but not being able to pursue anything because of her job sounds really frustrating. I've been in situations too where I have a crush on someone that I can't be with for various reasons, and it really just is so frustrating. It sounds like you may have been getting some mixed signals from her too, so that makes it even more confusing.

It sounds like you are questioning whether or not your feelings for her were a phase or if they mean you could be queer. I first want you to know that no matter what, this is your journey, and there is absolutely no rush to figure things out. Figuring out your sexuality can be a hard, but beautiful journey of getting to know your authentic self. There's no right or wrong time to realize it, whether you're 10 years old or you're 60. The timing is completely up to you.

You know this situation best, and I don't know what she does for work that keeps her from being able to stay in touch, but it doesn't seem like she was messing with you. Whether she had any feelings too or saw it as more friendly, I'm not sure. What I do know, is that you deserve someone who can give you their time and energy. The decision is yours, and I'm not going to tell you what to do, but this sounds like this was a tricky and confusing situation. I hope you can find some peace over the situation.

Please don't hesitate to reach back out and give us an update on how you're doing!

If you need more support, there's a ton of resources here, ranging from phone calls to web chatting:
www.lgbthero.org.uk/find-support

Also, here's a LGBTQ+ helpline run by volunteers for whatever you'd like to talk about.
Switchboard - 0300 330 0630, 10am-10pm

Best,
MoreJoy

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How do you know if it's real?

Post by vikki on Mar 31, 2023 21:19:21 GMT

Post by morejoy on Apr 27, 2023 17:35:11 GMT