Post by lovingcousin on May 3, 2023 23:12:02 GMT
Hello everyone, I’m desperate for advice on how to support my cousin, who is also one of my closest friends, with his internalised homophobia. My cousin is 20 y/o and subtly/?accidentally came out to me around age 14. Some of the members of our family are aware he is gay and some know and choose to pretend he is not, and some he has not come out to just yet. He suffers badly with a depression, which I have always put down to the suppression of his sexuality and his parents ignorance/failure to acknowledge. He told me this evening that he hates himself, he hates pride and gay people and sees gay people as fake. He says he would never choose to be this way and wishes he could change. I recognise internalised homophobia and self-loathing is highly present in the gay community and there is a journey to acceptance he must forego. I remember similar conversations with one of our other cousins. However, I hate to see him struggle so desperately with his mental health and I just want him to be happy and accepting of who he is. My side of the family is very accepting of homosexuality and I myself grew up with an openly gay brother so I find it very difficult to understand homophobia. His side of the family are very covertly homophobic. We have several shared relatives who are also part of the LGBTQ+ community. I feel that things he has heard in reference to the other family members growing up have had a negative impact on how he sees his sexuality, therefore his brain is very unkind to him. He informed me his mother asked him if he was gay, and told him she really hopes he is not. She is however accepting of her nieces and nephews who are LGBTQ. I really don’t know how best to support him in a way that he will find comfortable, it took him a lot of courage to tell me what he did this evening. I sent him some links to articles and support pages with information on internalised homophobia/self-loathing with his permission but don’t want to push him too much. Should I discuss his mothers behaviour with her and the impact it has on him despite it breaching his trust? Any advice would be great fully received - a deeply concerned and loving cousin.
